How is it that after all this time, I'm STILL here? Let me clarify. 'Here' means up at night, listening to that ear splitting mind numbing late night cry that comes back night after night no matter what I have tried. I feel as though I have fallen into a trap of mommy mistakes that I am destined to repeat again and again in order to keep my sanity. Or am I? Have I found a way out, or is it something that I am being tested on and will have no other choice but to give in?
My son STILL wakes in the night. STILL. It's been on and off since he was 4 months old. The bliss that allowed me to have bragging rights after he slept through the night at just 9 weeks lasted just under two months and then things went steadily downhill. At first these wakeful episodes were sporadic, and easily justified with teething, belly cramps, growth spurts, illness, etc. It's amazing what you will tell yourself as a parent to justify interfering with a baby's night time wails. The truth is, you will do ANYTHING sometimes to silence that piercing scream because you just need sleep. Surely that's not too much to ask.
The problem with that is, once you start interfering it becomes a routine. In the past, sometimes his wails would receive immediate gratification - a crib side visit from both mom and dad, a brief belly rub, a fresh nummy and some benedryl for what we believed to be aching teeth and gums. Other times after twenty plus minutes of cries he would get some time in the rocker with mommy and a fresh diaper. Nights when it was longer, and I mean HOURS longer, or none of this worked, one of us would rise and drag our sleepy selves to his fierce screams and rescue him from the throes of his crib. It was here we would commit the ultimate crime - I would nurse him and we would allow him to fall back to sleep in our bed between us. These desperate measures soon became habit, because more often than not, they were the guaranteed fix. So we would reason with ourselves. Why would we let him cry for such a long period when we were just going to give in and do this eventually, why prolong the inevitable? Why not just do it the moment he begins to spare ourselves the discomfort? Problem - we found ourselves locked in a vicious cycle. Then a new problem. This foul proof method began to fail. A lot. And sleeping with a baby is hard! He kicks. He sprawls out. I can't move for fear of waking him. Now what?
Here's what I know- I am tired of that and finally at my breaking point. It MUST stop.
So following a couple of major schedule disruptions from our vacations where all nighttime 'rules' were abandoned for the greater good of sleep, I have had it with the nighttime waking. I can't take it anymore and (as of right now anyway) am willing to put in the legwork to let him cry it out simply because I am out of ideas.
I have figured out that I can't simply lie in bed and listen to the wails. When I have done that I can't decide which is worse - the steady screech or the false- hope inducing silence that lasts sometimes as long as a minute only to be shattered by yet another ear splitting scream. Both types leave me wanting to stand with my head planted firmly against a wall, pulling away only to slam it back and forth repeatedly in frustration. Clearly this is not a healthy coping strategy. So I have conjured up a new tactic. When the cries start, I get up. I retreat groggily to the living room to watch tv, blog, read - do something to distract myself in order to be awake enough to monitor the persistent cries but not in the semi awake state that was my cozy bed. I have found that while this is frustrating also, it is not nearly as bad as thinking I can go to sleep only to be roused steadily every thirty seconds as the shrill cries continue.
There are still troubles here though, however. I have a breaking point. After two hours, I need to do SOMETHING different. When this point nears, I conjure a plan of 'ok, so I'll change him and cuddle him, but no way am I feeding him' etc. Progress is welcomed, no matter how small. If he cried for two hours one night and only an hour and 40 minutes the next, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then there are the set back nights when he digs in an goes even harder the next night for a whopping three hours. Once pain is ruled out and stubbornness is determined as the contributing factor (usually because he is wide awake, babbling at this point, ready for play) you reach a point where all your hard work is threatened and you are hitting that place where you will resort to your old damaging habits out of desperation. It's just soooo much easier. 'Come on. Go get him. Feed him. Put him in your bed. You'll both win. You can SLEEP.'
Trouble is, he seems relatively un-phased the next day, whereas I am a zombie. He's up at his regular time, busy as a bee and I am in a daze, desperate for nap time for some rest. There are days when I feel I simply have no drive for anything extra, that I just can't keep up with him, and how is that he was up as long as I was, but he's FINE??????
As I write this blog I am hopeful for a solution as we enter hour two of his latest wakeful episode at what is now 2:30 am. Wish me luck that I can outlast him in this battle, and that the nighttime wars will soon be over.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Thursday, December 06, 2012
The Bedtime Routine
My son was a great little sleeper from month two to month four. Then it stopped. He started waking up in the middle of the night, once, twice, sometimes three or more times. We combated it first and treated him for what we believed to be teething pain. A fresh nummy, some benadryl, sometimes a feed - we dealt with it. I thought it would be temporary, that it would fix itself. Wrong.
After two months of these unpredictable wakings that actually turned into predictable ones, we'd had enough. My son actually started becoming predictable when he woke in the middle of the night. Sometimes I would wake up to his cries and without even looking at my digital clock, I would know around what time was. While we did feel that it was his teeth initially, my husband made a solid point. "He wasn't waking up at the EXACT same time every night and suddenly having teeth pain." Point taken. But how do we handle it?
First strategy -we tried letting him cry it out when he woke in the night on a couple of occasions. Turns out the little guy has endurance. One night after an hour of steady screams we caved. We fed, changed and allowed him to fall asleep with us. I dug in my heels a few nights later and tried this tactic again. This time he cried intermittently for a period of two hours. Let me tell you, at 3am and onward - listening to cries and analyzing them for that long can do horrible things to you. I became agitated, frustrated, desperate - not to mention exhausted. No way can I doze off with him crying like that, I don't think it's in my biological capabilities as a mom. So after that two hour stint the score was Baby - 2, Momma - Big Fat Zero.
Like fate, the next morning with heavy, coal black bags under my eyes and headache from lack of sleep, I was watching Canada AM when something caught my attention. A baby expert ( I have no idea her name) was emphasizing the importance of setting and keeping a night-time routine for a baby to get used to going to bed. I had heard of this concept before, but never paid it much heed, I always thought my son was much too young. Apparently he is the perfect age!
Up until that point, we always had let him direct when he wanted to go to bed, waiting for him to rub his eyes to signal us, or allow him to fall asleep naturally after feeding. He had no set bedtime and could go down anywhere from 7:30 until 9:30 on any given night. Knowing this and listening to the segment, one thing really resonated with me what the expert said. If the baby does not have a routine before going to bed, he/she WILL wake up and cry out in the night time. Definitely. Wow.
I mean, it makes sense. Most of us adults are creatures of habit and we all have some sort of bedtime routine. Even things like brushing our teeth, locking our doors, reading, changing into our pj's - we typically do these things the same way, setting the way for sleep. Why should a baby be any different?
Feeling desperately tired and defeated, but still determined to try anything, we set a routine that very day. We started with a bath, lotion, vitamin D, Pj's, snack, story, bed. This whole process takes at most 45 minutes. All of those things we have been doing on a nightly basis anyway, but we hadn't followed any type of order or time frame. Now promptly at 7pm every night, we start and stick to the order.
So far we have discovered that he is starting to go to sleep around 7:30, and is crying less when he goes down. He has woken up at least once that we are aware of in the middle of the night, but has settled and gone back to sleep. But here's the clincher - he is sleeping through the night again! It really does work! It didn't take long either.
Some of the perks from our efforts are that we feel less tired in the day and evening. Something unexpected that has happened - we actually have time to spend together or do our own thing in the evening! His bedtime is earlier than I ever could have hoped and I get to have more than one hour of time where I don't feel the need to sleep nor am I interrupted by baby. It's given us some much needed relaxing time and allowing us to wind down before bed. I am from here on in a bedtime routine supporter!
Momma's Musts
After two months of these unpredictable wakings that actually turned into predictable ones, we'd had enough. My son actually started becoming predictable when he woke in the middle of the night. Sometimes I would wake up to his cries and without even looking at my digital clock, I would know around what time was. While we did feel that it was his teeth initially, my husband made a solid point. "He wasn't waking up at the EXACT same time every night and suddenly having teeth pain." Point taken. But how do we handle it?
First strategy -we tried letting him cry it out when he woke in the night on a couple of occasions. Turns out the little guy has endurance. One night after an hour of steady screams we caved. We fed, changed and allowed him to fall asleep with us. I dug in my heels a few nights later and tried this tactic again. This time he cried intermittently for a period of two hours. Let me tell you, at 3am and onward - listening to cries and analyzing them for that long can do horrible things to you. I became agitated, frustrated, desperate - not to mention exhausted. No way can I doze off with him crying like that, I don't think it's in my biological capabilities as a mom. So after that two hour stint the score was Baby - 2, Momma - Big Fat Zero.
Like fate, the next morning with heavy, coal black bags under my eyes and headache from lack of sleep, I was watching Canada AM when something caught my attention. A baby expert ( I have no idea her name) was emphasizing the importance of setting and keeping a night-time routine for a baby to get used to going to bed. I had heard of this concept before, but never paid it much heed, I always thought my son was much too young. Apparently he is the perfect age!
Up until that point, we always had let him direct when he wanted to go to bed, waiting for him to rub his eyes to signal us, or allow him to fall asleep naturally after feeding. He had no set bedtime and could go down anywhere from 7:30 until 9:30 on any given night. Knowing this and listening to the segment, one thing really resonated with me what the expert said. If the baby does not have a routine before going to bed, he/she WILL wake up and cry out in the night time. Definitely. Wow.
I mean, it makes sense. Most of us adults are creatures of habit and we all have some sort of bedtime routine. Even things like brushing our teeth, locking our doors, reading, changing into our pj's - we typically do these things the same way, setting the way for sleep. Why should a baby be any different?
Feeling desperately tired and defeated, but still determined to try anything, we set a routine that very day. We started with a bath, lotion, vitamin D, Pj's, snack, story, bed. This whole process takes at most 45 minutes. All of those things we have been doing on a nightly basis anyway, but we hadn't followed any type of order or time frame. Now promptly at 7pm every night, we start and stick to the order.
So far we have discovered that he is starting to go to sleep around 7:30, and is crying less when he goes down. He has woken up at least once that we are aware of in the middle of the night, but has settled and gone back to sleep. But here's the clincher - he is sleeping through the night again! It really does work! It didn't take long either.
Some of the perks from our efforts are that we feel less tired in the day and evening. Something unexpected that has happened - we actually have time to spend together or do our own thing in the evening! His bedtime is earlier than I ever could have hoped and I get to have more than one hour of time where I don't feel the need to sleep nor am I interrupted by baby. It's given us some much needed relaxing time and allowing us to wind down before bed. I am from here on in a bedtime routine supporter!
Momma's Musts
- Set a routine! Figure out what time seems to work for your child, what steps you want to include, what order they will go in and then put it in place. Most importantly - STICK to it!
- Watch for tempting schedule glitches. Company is coming to see baby, who cares about bedtime right? You want to go visiting or shopping in the evening as a family? No big deal what time you get home, right? Wrong! I'm not saying NEVER break routine, but when the baby is still having night time issues, get the routine into a solid, nightly event before daring to change it even the slightest. Even then, beware!
- Be patient. It may take your child a couple of weeks or even a month or more to adjust and produce the desired results from the routine. Some of this will depend on how consistent you are, how old your baby is, and what your baby is like, as I've said before - Every baby is different!
- STICK to it!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Changing My Mind
I admit it - I am one of those moms who has said "We're NEVER doing that" or "We're ALWAYS going to do this". I see now how silly those statements sound. I'll provide some examples.
For starters - I was NEVER going to give my son a pacifier. My reasoning? I didn't want him to be dependent on anything to help him soothe. I wanted him to be completely independent and able to self soothe. Maybe if I had kept up this absolute he may have reached this goal, but things change. When he was 4 months old, he started teething. He was desperate for things to chew or suck on - he needed things in his mouth to ease his pain and discomfort. I had several teething toys - one that vibrated and one that you could freeze. The trouble was that he was too small to hold the teethers up to his mouth long enough to provide substantial relief. I would place one in his mouth and bring his little fingers around the handles and step back and wait. The result - only a few seconds of comfort. Then followed this screams from having had relief for a brief second and now that is horribly gone. To assist him in these times, I did sit and hold them up his mouth for a period each day but he still pulled them out, not to mention me not being able to stay there all day.
Then one night as I was getting him ready for bed he was chewing hard on his hands and crying out in pain. I suddenly had a thought that maybe if he had something that he could actually KEEP in his mouth to chew/suck on he might feel better. Now what could such a thing look like? I wonder...I gave into my NEVERS and gave him one of the pacifiers that I had recieved as a shower gift. I've never looked back since, it was a great decision and sometimes a cold nummy is all he needs.
Another NEVER was allowing my child to sleep in our bed. At first it was a safety issue, I thought that he was too small and maybe I would roll on him or he wouldn't be able to recognize when he was too close to a blanket or pillow. I am still a firm beliver in my child having his own bed and room for sleeping but with exceptions. There have been moments when I have broken my NEVER rule. On a particularly early morning - say 5:30 am - I am just not ready to get out of bed for the day. When he wakes this early have taken to feeding him in my bed and letting him fall back asleep next to me. I have tried the alternative of moving him to his crib, but he thinks it's time to get up for the day to play. I find that I love having him in the bed with us on weekends when we "sleep in" and hang out the three of us.
Those are just two of the many retractions I have experienced. I have learned the foolishness of my statements and am wary of saying them again in the future. The truth is I have no idea what I will do in a situation I'm presented with until I am actually IN it. I haven't worn the shoes of those times yet so how do I know how they fit? Today I may do something one way and tomorrow a completely different way. I guess my bottom line is - major parent lesson - NEVER say NEVER!
For starters - I was NEVER going to give my son a pacifier. My reasoning? I didn't want him to be dependent on anything to help him soothe. I wanted him to be completely independent and able to self soothe. Maybe if I had kept up this absolute he may have reached this goal, but things change. When he was 4 months old, he started teething. He was desperate for things to chew or suck on - he needed things in his mouth to ease his pain and discomfort. I had several teething toys - one that vibrated and one that you could freeze. The trouble was that he was too small to hold the teethers up to his mouth long enough to provide substantial relief. I would place one in his mouth and bring his little fingers around the handles and step back and wait. The result - only a few seconds of comfort. Then followed this screams from having had relief for a brief second and now that is horribly gone. To assist him in these times, I did sit and hold them up his mouth for a period each day but he still pulled them out, not to mention me not being able to stay there all day.
Then one night as I was getting him ready for bed he was chewing hard on his hands and crying out in pain. I suddenly had a thought that maybe if he had something that he could actually KEEP in his mouth to chew/suck on he might feel better. Now what could such a thing look like? I wonder...I gave into my NEVERS and gave him one of the pacifiers that I had recieved as a shower gift. I've never looked back since, it was a great decision and sometimes a cold nummy is all he needs.
Another NEVER was allowing my child to sleep in our bed. At first it was a safety issue, I thought that he was too small and maybe I would roll on him or he wouldn't be able to recognize when he was too close to a blanket or pillow. I am still a firm beliver in my child having his own bed and room for sleeping but with exceptions. There have been moments when I have broken my NEVER rule. On a particularly early morning - say 5:30 am - I am just not ready to get out of bed for the day. When he wakes this early have taken to feeding him in my bed and letting him fall back asleep next to me. I have tried the alternative of moving him to his crib, but he thinks it's time to get up for the day to play. I find that I love having him in the bed with us on weekends when we "sleep in" and hang out the three of us.
Those are just two of the many retractions I have experienced. I have learned the foolishness of my statements and am wary of saying them again in the future. The truth is I have no idea what I will do in a situation I'm presented with until I am actually IN it. I haven't worn the shoes of those times yet so how do I know how they fit? Today I may do something one way and tomorrow a completely different way. I guess my bottom line is - major parent lesson - NEVER say NEVER!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Updates -DST and Naps
Updates on Daylight Savings Nightmares and Nap time trials as promised.
I was very concerned about my son waking up an hour early after Daylight Savings moved our clocks back an hour. I was very right, the first night he woke promptly at 4:30 am, his normal time being 5:30 am. That is an hour that where I really felt the difference and was angry at the clock gods for having set this in motion. His naps were off, he was eating his meals far too early, it was difficult at first and I couldn't help but wonder how long it was all going to last. Luckily I was fortunate and the effect was very short lived. After just a few days he began to regulate and under a week things were back to normal. Lessons I learned here were to have patience as things will work out and to also not plan an important activity the day of the clock change!
Keeping with the sleep theme, I finally experienced my Eureka! moment that I had been long overdue - he went to sleep on his own in the day! After trying several tricks and giving up time and again, finally we got the balance right and with the help of his nummy and Ocean Wonders Fisher Price Aquarium we have achieved success. He has found his nitch of a schedule of sorts - napping between 10:30 and 11 and again around 2pm. We wait until he shows the tell-tale signs of being tired - rubbing his eyes, whining, fussiness. We put him in his crib and sometimes he cries a little, but in usually 5 minutes or less he is snoozing away, kicked off with his hands tucked behind his head. It is a very sweet victory and worth the struggle it took to get there.
Momma would love to hear about your Eureka moments and sleep tricks, feel free to comment here, on my Facebook or tweet me @hollymommablog.
I was very concerned about my son waking up an hour early after Daylight Savings moved our clocks back an hour. I was very right, the first night he woke promptly at 4:30 am, his normal time being 5:30 am. That is an hour that where I really felt the difference and was angry at the clock gods for having set this in motion. His naps were off, he was eating his meals far too early, it was difficult at first and I couldn't help but wonder how long it was all going to last. Luckily I was fortunate and the effect was very short lived. After just a few days he began to regulate and under a week things were back to normal. Lessons I learned here were to have patience as things will work out and to also not plan an important activity the day of the clock change!
Keeping with the sleep theme, I finally experienced my Eureka! moment that I had been long overdue - he went to sleep on his own in the day! After trying several tricks and giving up time and again, finally we got the balance right and with the help of his nummy and Ocean Wonders Fisher Price Aquarium we have achieved success. He has found his nitch of a schedule of sorts - napping between 10:30 and 11 and again around 2pm. We wait until he shows the tell-tale signs of being tired - rubbing his eyes, whining, fussiness. We put him in his crib and sometimes he cries a little, but in usually 5 minutes or less he is snoozing away, kicked off with his hands tucked behind his head. It is a very sweet victory and worth the struggle it took to get there.
Momma would love to hear about your Eureka moments and sleep tricks, feel free to comment here, on my Facebook or tweet me @hollymommablog.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Daylight Savings Nightmares
A few days ago in the wee hours of the early morning around 5:30am, I was breastfeeding my early riser, anxious for him to finish his first morning feed and hoping that he would go back for a nap. In my sleepy mind the thought occured to me that it would soon be daylight savings time. In the fall the time goes back, giving us an extra hour of sleep. I was excited for this prospect, knowing that I was missing out on some sleep every night and an extra hour would be a welcome event. Then I remembered. Uh oh..I have a baby.
My son is likely too small to notice such a subtle difference in the clock that we follow. He follows his own clock, regardless of the numbers that may sit in front of him. Granted, he has gotten himself on a schedule lately. I know around what time he wakes, naps and needs to eat. This has taken several months for him to establish and now that it is settling in I am starting to relax and am able to plan a little more around his habits. Moving things around an hour will unfortunately shake all of this up - more for me than him.
What do I mean? Well right now he generally wakes up sometime between 5 and 5:30 am. If I am careful, he just needs a feeding and with the right movements, I can get him to go back to sleep for another hour or two. Sometimes however, I am not so lucky and I cannot get him back to sleep - he is ready to play and get up for the day. The 5 am time is just too early for this momma to get up! It's particularily hard when he has already been up once before for some soothing just a few short hours ago. My point - once daylight savings hits these 5 am times will now be 4 am. Yikes. Now that's way too early for momma.
I know that everything else will be off schedule to, but I think I can handle having him change his naps and I can try to get him back on our meal times by feeding him a little earlier than before. I guess that means he will also go to bed earlier in the evening? I am mostly worried about the super early morning potential and how I will be able to handle it. Funny - I never even considered this before.
I will have to see what happens this coming weekend as the clocks fall back. I will update with how things go for my little guy, and for his potentially tired momma!
Momma'a Musts :
My son is likely too small to notice such a subtle difference in the clock that we follow. He follows his own clock, regardless of the numbers that may sit in front of him. Granted, he has gotten himself on a schedule lately. I know around what time he wakes, naps and needs to eat. This has taken several months for him to establish and now that it is settling in I am starting to relax and am able to plan a little more around his habits. Moving things around an hour will unfortunately shake all of this up - more for me than him.
What do I mean? Well right now he generally wakes up sometime between 5 and 5:30 am. If I am careful, he just needs a feeding and with the right movements, I can get him to go back to sleep for another hour or two. Sometimes however, I am not so lucky and I cannot get him back to sleep - he is ready to play and get up for the day. The 5 am time is just too early for this momma to get up! It's particularily hard when he has already been up once before for some soothing just a few short hours ago. My point - once daylight savings hits these 5 am times will now be 4 am. Yikes. Now that's way too early for momma.
I know that everything else will be off schedule to, but I think I can handle having him change his naps and I can try to get him back on our meal times by feeding him a little earlier than before. I guess that means he will also go to bed earlier in the evening? I am mostly worried about the super early morning potential and how I will be able to handle it. Funny - I never even considered this before.
I will have to see what happens this coming weekend as the clocks fall back. I will update with how things go for my little guy, and for his potentially tired momma!
Momma'a Musts :
- Sleep while you can!
- Never take any schedule with a baby for granted - something is bound to shake it all up soon enough!
- Prepare for the worst case scenario - and hope for the best!
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