Time is getting short for my little guy's first big birthday. It has inspired me to talk about what else? The significance, the party and all that goes with it.
The first birthday party is one that is very significant for your little one and for you and your partner as well. It's the very first time someone in your little family other than yourselves gets to have a birthday. You created a birthday in your life, and I think that's very cool!
For me it will undoubtedly always be a time of reminiscing. Before that famous birth date I was not a mother, and unknown to me I had all kinds of time on my hands. When I was pregnant I was aware that it was going to happen, but the difference between knowing it's coming and actually experiencing that feeling and living the reality of it is two completely different things. I am reminded of the labour and delivery and the first days home and all the firsts and unexpectedness and things that I experienced. I think of that feeling that you really do forget what life was like without this little person in it, and the feeling of pure joy that words will never really express. It will always be my little one's birthday, but for me it will also be my "becoming a mother day".
Spending time around my mommy friends I have heard of many different party scenarios from the no party with just cake and mommy and daddy to the big bash with every friend, neighbour and relative in attendance. As usual I am going to fall somewhere in the middle with a family party, some food and cake and basically take the time to acknowledge my son's first year.
Whatever you plan to do, here are a checklist of some things to consider :
- Venue - will you book a public place or have it at home?
- Guests - Are you having family and friends? Just family? If so, extended? Immediate? If friends - everyone? Or just those with kids?
- Food - Are you going to serve a meal? What kind of snacks/prep is involved? Are you considering allergies?
- Cake - Are you going to bake your little one's first cake or are you going to opt for cupcakes or a speciality order? Should you choose this option here, I would highly recommend Cake Queen to take care of this for you. Check out her pictures of speciality cakes - she can make one to suit your tastes :)
- Pictures - Are you going to be the designated photographer? Or do you have a relative/friend to ensure you capture the moment? Will you opt to hire someone to take care of things so you can relax and enjoy the party? If you choose #3 - may I suggest Knotty Pictures? Check out the portfolio on the website www.knottypictures.org
- Decorations - Are you having any? Are they going to be homemade? Or are you going to search them out retail?
- Date/Time - Are you doing a morning or afternoon? Can you have it on the actual birthday or will it be a nearby weekend? Have you considered nap time??
- Entertainment - this may be more for older children but you never know! Do you want a magician or a hired entertainer? Are you going to opt for party games like pin-the-tail-on-the donkey or a pinata? Or will it just be kids playing and doing their own thing?
Ultimately the type of birthday party you have is up to you as parents. If you want to keep it simple do just that, and if you feel the urge to throw a big party, that's up to you too. As always, everyone is different and the important thing is to do what you want and try to avoid someone on the outside making that call for you. Do what you're comfortable with!
Happy Birthday Babies!
After my first year of being a mom I have had a chance to try all kinds of baby products and equipment. There are things that I wish I hadn't bothered with, others that I loved from the get-go, or wished that I had all along, and some are things I liked, but I could live without. Again, as always - just my opinion!
- Pampers diapers. By far the best brand in my opinion. We tried out all kinds for long enough to know what worked best. The end results : Huggies leaked, Kirkland LEAKED, and while we did like LIFE brand from shoppers, Pampers were hands down the very best.
- Travel System - I had a four wheel system that was big and bulky. I liked it because it closed up and had lots of storage underneath but it was hard to access when the carrier was in it. It was really hard to turn around and got caught on all kinds of things when we were going around, especially aisles at stores. I would opt for a three wheel system if I were doing it all again.
- High Chair - I had a stand alone high chair and while it was good, I recently switched to a booster seat that attaches to a chair. This is more practical and less expensive. It takes up less space in the kitchen and can be taken with us more easily when we travel. In hindsight I would have just purchased the booster and not bothered at all with a clunky high chair.
- Jolly Jumper - I'm talking about the simple harness over the door. This thing is awesome! I was skeptical in the beginning because it appears to be unsafe , but once I got over that I realized how great it is. My son improved in his leg strength after just a month of bouncing and now he loves getting in it. Not only is it a great way for him to release his energy and build strength, it has become something of a reward for him.
- Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium. This item was one of the greatest things we had for our little guy. It attaches to his crib, plays different songs, lights up and the fish inside can move and water bubbles appear when you select the option. This calms my son and allowed him to learn to put himself to sleep in his crib. It also has a remote which is bonus. Fisher price toys in general are great, I like all the ones we have.
- Carter Clothes. These clothes by far are my favourite. They fit better than most others, and are great quality for a great price.
- "Net" like ball - I'm talking about a plastic ball that is full of holes, great for a baby to grip. I don't have a brand preference here. This is a very simple inexpensive toy and one of the best. Babies love balls but they have trouble gripping them and keeping them, but the holes in the ball are great for ensuring they can play with them on their own.
- Nuk Nestle Bottles and Playtex Sippy Cups. The Nuk nipples were the best for my little one and the best bottle he used by far. Playtex are a close second in bottles but come up first in Sippy Cups, at least for the ones without straws. They are easy to grip and don't leak, while the Nuk Sippy Cups do leak.
- Wipe Warmers and Diaper Genies. Convenient and good, but could take or leave. The wipes are warm and that's great, but when we go out they aren't but luckily my son never noticed the difference. The Genie is convenient because its right there and solely for dirty diapers, but to be honest, it wasn't as great as I expected for keeping away the stinky poopy smell. It needs to be changed more often than I thought in order to keep the smell away and it does fill up really fast. As far as places to put diapers I think it is one of the best, but a less expensive closed garbage can might be just as good.
- Baby Mum Mums - These are great for snacks on the go and were a wonderful thing that aided his independent eating. They taught my son how to chew and hold food and I would highly recommend them.
- Disney Baby First Years Winnie The Pooh Calendar. This is a personalised calendar that allows you to put in the months and important dates using stickers provided. Each month you can add a picture of your little one as they grow. We loved this one for keeping track of the important moments.
- Sophie the Giraffe. Admittedly I was skeptical at first about this toy but it was great, especially for teething. It is easy to grip and makes noise, and I now understand why just about every child has one.
- Bassinet. I transferred my son to his crib really young, but the bassinet was great for daytime naps and helping him know the difference between day and night. We kept it in a lighted noisy room during the day and nighttime he slept in his dark room in his crib, so he soon got the concept of sleeping longer at night. It was also good travel bed for the early months as the top part of the one we had could be detached easily.
- Breast Feeding Pillow. I only used this for the first couple of weeks of breastfeeding. I did not find it was overly helpful beyond that for feedings. However, later on when my son started sitting up on his own and was still wobbly, this served as a great cushion that fit snugly around him.
- Pack and Play. This is a must. Keeping baby safe and a place to hold toys without making a huge mess all over the living room. It's also good for sitting as if he falls he won't hit as hard, or for reaching up and eventually learning to pull himself up using the sides for assistance. It collapses quickly and takes up minimal space so it great for storing away or taking with you. We use it as a baby bed when we travel since our son outgrew his bassinet.
- Umbrella Stroller. Get one! They are usually inexpensive and are so much more compact. Great for tighter spaces and for travel, and are so much easier for getting around.
These are just some of my thoughts on some of the baby products I have used in the past year.
As promised, here is my checklist of questions and things to look for when seeking daycare for your little buddies and gals!
- Registration? Day cares that are registered are more carefully screened, regulated, and provide receipts. Things like child to adult ratios, menus, and safety regulations are all closely monitored. This very item may be one of the most important factors.
- Insurance. Is the daycare insured in case of accident or emergency?
- Location, location, location. To be practical, a daycare must be either close to your home, or close to yours or your partner's workplace. Having to do a lengthy commute for daycare drop off may cause more trouble than it's worth. Keep this factor in mind. It may seem small in the beginning, but it affects your time and gas mileage.
- Cost. This is another huge factor. You have to be able to afford where you send your child, plain and simple. If lunch and snacks are included, prices are naturally a little higher. Daycare is getting more expensive but it does vary from place to place, so do your research on what is typical before you venture out.
- Certifications. Does the caregiver have Early Childhood Education certification? Do they have First Aid and CPR and if so, what levels? Have they had a Code of Conduct Screening? Ask about these items and ask to see the certificates to prove it.
- Ratios and Numbers. Knowing how many children and at what ages they are is very important prior to hiring a caregiver. There are limits on the numbers of children below the age of two and again on the total number of children in the daycare. Ask and determine if it is within guidelines for your child's age.
- Menu. Do they provide lunch and snacks? This may be important, especially if you are very busy. If food is served, will you receive a weekly menu in advance?If so, ask to see a sample from previous weeks to determine if you are satisfied with the food that will be served to your child. As a rule of thumb, if you aren't comfortable serving a menu item in your home means you are probably not going to like it coming from a daycare.
- Times. When can your child be dropped off? Is it early enough to accommodate your work schedule? The same applies for pick-up times. You must ensure that you are off in time to pick up your child or you can at least work out something with your partner and boss to ensure that someone picks up your little one on time.
- Transportation. The daycare may offer day outings where applicable and it is important that you are aware of these events and that proper licenses are held by potential drivers of vehicles that may transport your child.
- Transition. Does the daycare provide a period where you gradually transition your child and slowly increase their time spent getting used to the facility?
- Vacation. When you take your child on vacation, it is assumed that you will continue to pay to hold your spot during that time. However, does your worker assume that you will pay for their vacation? Do they provide a substitute worker when they take vacation, or are you expected to provide alternate arrangements for that time?
- Storm Days. Storms are going to happen, but is the daycare going to be open? Is it likely that you will have to take a day off to care for your child if there is a storm?
- Sick - What is the policy on sickness? Many registered establishments require all children to be sent home/kept home when showing any signs of illness, particularly if it is contagious. It can be disconcerting to pick up your child(ren) only to discover that they have been around a child who has been very ill all day and remained in their presence, or that your own child has been sick and you haven't been contacted.
- Ages/Additional Children. What is the maximum age your child can attend a particular daycare? Do they offer an after school program or will you have to find alternate arrangements when you child starts school? If you have another child, will he/she be guaranteed a spot or at least be on top of the wait list?
- Play Space. Is there a designated play area or do they have the "run of the house"? Is there an outdoor area and is it fenced in? Are there safety measures inside in appropriate places? What activities are routine and what other types of activities are going to be offered? How much space is for play, and is it sufficient? Where do the children nap, where do they eat? Is it in a home setting? All very important questions.
- Pets. Are there animals in the home? Besides the potential for dirt, dust and allergies, there may be safety issues here.
- Leaving notice. Establish guidelines for how much notice you will require should the caregiver decide to stop operating, or if you decide to transfer your child to another facility.
- References - Ask for professional and character references, and do your homework and check them!
- Previous Relationship. If the caregiver is a relative or a friend, this can go either way. Be careful here. Things can get sticky when it comes to your child and while you may trust a familiar person more with their care, you may have a greater chance for a difference of opinion ruining a relationship. Decide if you can handle it.
- Gut Feeling. To me, this is the single most important factor. Upon the interview with the potential caregiver if there is some nagging unpleasant feeling that you just can't shake, listen to your instincts. Sometimes you may not be able to put your finger on it, but if you are not fully comfortable with the person, do not send your child to them. Remember, your child is going to be spending the best part of their day with this person, and you have to trust your feelings about their capabilities.
Ultimately, these factors will balance out differently for every parent, and you have to decide what will be deal breakers and what will be things you can learn to live with. For example, you may overlook location issues for an excellent facility; or you may accept no meals offered if most other things meet your criteria. It is unlikely you will get every single item that you wish for, but it is up to you to decide ultimately what is most important. Hope this list helps! Good luck with your search!
Work. Yes, that's right work. What word did you think I was referring to?
To work or not to work - I'm sure that just about every mommy (and daddy too) has struggled with this question at one point or another, or perhaps on and off throughout the course of their child(ren)'s life. This is probably one of the toughest ones to tackle when being a parent. As always, this is a sensitive subject, so keep in mind these opinions are my own and I am only one person! I respect the views of my readers and know that we may not all agree on this topic!
For me the reality is - life is expensive, and let's face it - there is a certain standard of living we expect, there are things we can't imagine living without, that we feel we shouldn't have to live without, at least at this stage in the game. I feel as though I worked really hard to get my post secondary education. I did without a lot of things and got by on very little or no income for long enough. I feel like I paid my dues (literally) and deserve to reap some of the benefits of my hard work. There is no shame in being a stay-at-home momma, but for me personally, I feel if that's where I am going to land, then why did I spend so much time and money on a hard earned education in the first place? I could have started my family at a younger age if that was the case instead of waiting to get things with my career ironed out first.
The money is one thing, but there are some other reasons I consider returning to work, and feel guilty for the selfish motive behind them. I miss the workplace chatter and social aspects, I relish the idea of having something else in my day other than dirty socks or sticky floors, and I would love to do something else that I love doing, something that I have been trained to do, something that I miss more and more.
Still, I am very torn. I love being a momma. I love being home every day with my little guy, being the person he knows best, the person responsible for his unbringing. I get to witness first hand all of his growth and development, I get to teach him things, I get to be his strongest influence. I don't want to miss anything, but I know that's impossible.
If I am not with him all day, someone else is. I struggle with the notion of letting him go, of trusting someone else with my most valuable asset, of missing him so much. I have not been away from him for more than a night or two since he was born, and even then I have felt 100% comfortable with the person taking care of him. Returning to work will force me to select someone to take care of him - someone who right at this moment is very likely a stranger to me.
While I have decided to take a little extra time off work to soak him up, I know that eventual date is looming when I will drop him off somewhere. The day is coming when I will not have the freedom to run errands, go on play dates and to reel babies, or to just take him for a walk in the afternoon simply because I feel like it. My life will become more hectic when rushing home after daycare pick-up will become the norm. We will have things like supper, bathtime, and getting ready for the next day all standing in the way of the short amount of time left to play and cuddle, and just be. Having a job and not being home means giving up a lot of things too.
I have struggled with this since before I gave birth, but the longer I spend at home, the more I know that I will get over the transition, and that it is important for me to return to work. It will also be good for my son to socialize more frequently and consistently with other children, for him to get used to being around more people on a regular basis. It will do him good to have something else in his life besides mommy and daddy.
I both look forward to and dread the eventual return date, and know that it will be rough for awhile. I have to remind myself to make the most of the time left and spend as much time as I can with him, so we can just be.
Stay tuned in coming posts for a daycare search checklist!
Today I am going to mention some of the great coupons and samples that I have recieved over the course of my pregnancy/maternity leave. Some you may know about, others you may not - look them up if you didn't know! Free stuff is great!
- At Motherhood by Maternity, the maternity clothes store, if you register with them you will recieve some email offers and some free samples in the mail from various baby companies.
- I have recieved samples from Enfamil (enfamil.ca) and Similac in the form of cans of powder, individual pre-mixed bottles, cans of lactose free milk, and individual packets of ready mix powder. My son was breastfed most of the time, but there were a couple of emergency moments when formula was necessary. It was great to have formula in the house for those times when we didn't have time to run out and pick out a formula.
- I registered on nestle-baby.ca and recieved a diaper bag (and it's my favorite one, it's a small backpack), Good Start Formula, cereal samples, a Nuk bottle and pamphlets of information. You can register for each baby that you have too!
- Between these companies I also have gotten several "cheques" for money off purchasing formula, coupons for discounts off Fisher Price toys and discounts on baby food and baby cereal. They are for small amounts but every little bit helps, especially when on a reduced income!
- On both Pampers and Huggies diapers and wipes there are small tags with codes that you can register online and collect points to obtain items at a later date.
- Air Miles has several baby items as rewards for various amounts of miles
That's all that comes to Momma's mind at this point in time, but if there are more I will mention them in future posts.
I find myself sitting here thinking today about Mr. Livestrong himself, the doping, false seven-time champ of the Tour de France. With all the buzz that Oprah has stirred it's hard not to. I know this does not seem like a topic that would be related to mommy or parenting - but hear me out (read me out??)
I'll admit that Lance had me fooled. But now that I sit and think about it, it just makes sense that there was something fake behind it. Seven times?? The most prestigious cycling race in the world and the same person won it SEVEN times?? Now it seems fishy, of course it does.
This is a sad world we live in. This man, an idol, the spokesperson for a very serious disease, and a role model for so many - adults.... and yes of course- children. How many children saw him win and strived to be like him? How many of them donned those yellow livestrong bracelets in support of his cause, who thought he was something wonderful? He not only cheated to win, he stole the title from someone else, hopefully someone more honest and deserving. Now he gets to be famous for his faults and like so many today, he gets his 15 minutes( or 3 hours apparently) to suck up to his audience, "explain" why he cheated. Personally, he had me at "cheated", or rather, he lost me. I watched the Fifth Estate for the coverage of the story, to see if it really were true. That was enough for me. I don't want to listen to him, don't want to tune in to watch his last-ditch effort to save face, and to make some more money off his choices and say he's sorry. Sorry there's real evidence against him and that he got caught, more like it.
I will say that I know he must have been under a great deal of pressure and sometimes we all cave under that pressure. But after the first title that he cheated to steal, he should have wised up and stopped. Instead he waited until he had won so many that he was a superstar, and denied all suspicions adamently, even with new proof surfacing as years went by. What kind of message did he expect to send? Right, my hero.
Now to tie it in with being a parent. Are we going to allow this kind of behavior from an idol to be okay in the eyes of our children? Are we going to help them erase their mistakes instead of facing them to get ahead in life? Are we going to allow them to cheat - or worse - help them do it and cover their tracks? Or are we going to raise honest boys and girls to turn into honorable men and women who actually know that telling the truth and doing things honestly is actually far better than cheating their way to the top? It scares me to think that too often when there are successes, there is something shady along the road to reach that success. While this is surely not true in every instance of success, I do see a major drop in morals here in the world. The world that I just brought a little boy into, and it doesn't seem fair. I want more for my little guy and personally, I don't want to hear about how Lance Armstrong lied to the world or why he is worth listening to.
If your child is anything like mine, he or she got their share of toys for Christmas this year. Being his first Christmas and finally being old enough to appreciate toys, he got some things that went beyond rattles and pull toys. The array of musical toys, ball bouncers, ride-and-walk combos, books, teddys and even an outdoor sled that now fill our home make walking around an cautious event. Now he has some time to enjoy and explore his new toys.
Babies are sponges for learning new things. My son soaks up everything new - new people, new sounds, new colors or shapes, things that sparkle and things that feel different to him. His latest thing of interest is moving off his playmat onto the floor and slapping his hands down hard. I believe he loves the new sound and the different feeling of the floor when compared to his mat. His new toys are of great interest to him. However, a lot of them are a little beyond his capability just yet so I spend a large part of my day pushing buttons, turning cranks, driving trains and zipping around the living room trying to catch balls before they get trapped under the couch. Some of those toys are too heavy and he wants to grab them and pull them on top of him, and therefore he requries constant supervision while playing with them. I love to help him learn new skills, one that he has just picked up is how to roll a ball back and forth with another person. He also likes catching balls from his many ball - popper gadgets that he got. I read his new books to him and encourage him to feel the sensory pages and keep him from putting the pages in his mouth. We are busy exploring his new things together and I think this is essential to his development.
That being said, I believe it is just as important to allow him to play on his own. He needs to learn how to figure things out and move around unrestricted. I have noticed that when I play with him, he moves around less than he does on his own. He goes from one end of the room to the other very quickly when he is alone, it's like he knows he has more room. I love watching him from the next room while he is unaware of my presence. The expressions on his face as he is having these raw learning moments are exciting and hilarious. My son is very adept at playing on his own and there are times when I know it would be his preference.
This can be a touchy subject in what's "best" for kids nowadays. Some say that children require structured play to acquire the skills necessary for "normal" development. I know this is true for somethings, but I think it is just as important for him to learn independently. That is one of my main goals as a parent for my son to be as independent as he can be. I will do whatever I can to help him, but I do not want to hover over him all the time for everything. I have some opinions on being a helicopter parent that will undoubtedly come out in my future posts. The only thing I will say for now that I am very determined not to be one.
Momma's Musts
- Help out. If your baby's toys are too much just yet, figure out a way that he or she can enjoy them with your assistance.
- Read to baby. Let them experience their new books and stories fully.
- Step back. Allow your child to experience independent, unrestricted play. They need this too very much!
This will be momma's last post for 2012, taking my Christmas holidays to the fullest starting today.
Today's post is for all my readers, fellow mommas and daddies, their families and especially all little ones experiencing their first Christmas for 2012. Just a quick note to send along my wishes for a safe, happy and healthy holiday. May you eat too much, stay up too late, enjoy all guests, and see Christmas as it was meant to be seen - through your children's eyes. Let your inner child come out this year and soak it up. If it is baby's first Christmas soak up all the attention on him/her, the curiousity with the paper, packages, lights and food, and all new toys.
On a more sad note, I am reminded of all the families this year from Newtown CT who are going to have a very heavy and sorrowful Christmas. My heart hurts for each and every child, parent and teacher that wakes up with a missing piece this year, with a huge gaping hole that no amount of Christmas cheer will fill this year, and especially for all the victims who will not get to rush and see what Santa brought this year. It is so wrong that I am running out of words to describe just how awful it is.
My must for this tragedy - do something extra nice for someone this holiday in honor of this negative event. Bring some positive note to it, do not let the whole thing be in vain and keep them in your thoughts, especially when things like greed, frustration, disappointment and petty things like road rage start to get the better of you this season.
Take care, be safe and have a great holiday! Stay tuned for some momma topics upcoming in 2013! Thank you for your readership and feedback, I hope you will continue to read my new posts!
As I try to recall Christmases of the past, I am struck by how things have and will change this year more than any other, including the years that I first moved away from my parents. My infant son in his short life and stature has caused more changes than I have ever experienced at one Christmas or another.
Many of the changes are good or fun, one of the first things is how we have to be more careful with what we put out and where. Our living room saw many additions this year as the once wide and empty spaces suddenly were filled with an exer-saucer, a baby swing, a floor full of safety mats, endless toys, books, teddy bears and blankets. Trying to squeeze a tree in our already cramped living room was fun this year. We had to downsize some of our typical decorations or move them to other places - either we didn't have the space or it just wasn't safe to put them out. My son isn't quite crawling yet, but he rolls, kicks, shifts, and somehow ends up exactly where we try to prevent him from getting. We had to consider things he may get his hands (or his feet!) on and either move or remove the item from our normal Christmas decor.
Another thing is how already, Christmas has shifted to be all about him, in a good way! For fun, we have all the gifts under our tree (except the ones for him) are all from him. Seeing tags written with "To Mommy" and "To Daddy" brings a smile to my face. I know that he is not aware of Christmas or Santa yet, but we will do our best to include and expose him to our traditions to get him familiar. So far he's definitely curious about the tree and the colored packages that make a nice sound when he kicks the paper and he is enjoying my dancing snowmen and singing bells.
Family members are excited to have a baby in the mix this year as children really are what Christmas is all about. While we are excited to have our growing extended family coming and going around us, we are also a little wary of this too. Finding that balance between our own immediate family time and time to see all of the newly made aunts, uncles and grandparents may not always be easy. It will be busy, but we are going to try to have some of our own quality family time to set our own traditions and appreciate our new growing immediate family. Aside from this we are going to try to please all other family members in some way or another, realizing that they all can't be with us all the time and we will have to do our best.
Another area of caution we are aware of is the undoubted parenting "advice" we will recieve as a result of merely being around so many of our relatives for such an extended time. This is a very sensitive subject for all parties invovled, particularly when everyone will have the best interests of our little guy at heart. That being said there are certain things that will be tolerated and some things that won't, and finding that way to delicately address this is going to undoubtedly be a challenge. I personally don't want any tension building or feeling the need to defend my parenting choices, especially over a happy time like the holidays.
Another major change for us this year is what we are able to do. For the past number of years it has just been the two of us and we spent our holidays attending various dinners and parties, and hosting our share of these events- coming and going as we pleased. While we still have plans to attend/host this year, it will require some more planning time. We have to consider our son's schedule for meals and naps, and have ample supplies ready for our out-of- home activities. We cannot instantly commit to an event as sometimes we will require a babysitter. I am also determined to maintain his bedtime routine, so there are some events that we simply won't be able to attend. I'm not saying that I will never waiver from this rule, but it will be for a very special event if I do. It just isn't worth it to mess him up and end up being up all night with a fussy baby for weeks after Christmas is long over, trying to get him back on schedule.
It will take some juggling and a more flexible attitude this year than in previous years but ultimately, I am very excited to enjoy my son's very first Christmas. I hope to have the best experience possible with all of our loved ones. Looking forward to it!
It's that time of year. The time when your social calendar fills up, when all your friends and family try to squeeze in a visit or a party over a short period. I love it - the dinner parties, restaurant meals, coffee dates, holiday get togethers - it's great. This is my first time with a baby as a scheduling factor for these things.I've touched on this briefly with my posts about going out without baby in Mommy Time and with baby in Family Outings.
There are times when it is very appropriate to take baby with you. Afternoon events, early dinners, events with other children or special occasions are all acceptable to myself and my husband. However, having just become sticklers for his bedtime routine we are planning to be careful where we take him, and how long we stay. Having spent the last couple of months with a restless sleeper, I personally do not want to backtrack on any progress we have made. So as as hard as it is going to be to avoid certain outings or having to duck out early just when things are just getting good, I know it's a baby's world and I'm going to have to stick to it or pay the consequences.
Then there are times when bringing baby is not the best option. lt may be at a time too late in the evening, a place that it is innappropriate for a baby, or just an event that would be much nicer to do without having a baby to shift attention away from the evening's purpose. These times it is necessary to have a babysitter available to watch the little guy.
Having a babysitter requires a certain amount of preparation. First - I am still breastfeeing so I need to pump enough milk and ensure that it is properly thawed in advance. Second I need to consider if I have to pump while we're out - if I go too long it can get very uncomfortable, so I may make plans for that. Then I need to find an available sitter and ensure that I include enough time for my son to get used to him/her before I leave. He's at the stage where he sometimes gets a little spooked by people he hasn't seen in awhile and needs a little time to warm up. It also helps me to get ready if the person comes early. It can be hard to shower, blow dry, and primp with a baby in the house, at least on a time crunch. Finally, I need to have time to direct the sitter to the specifics for my child and the more time I allow the less likely I am to forget something.
I am very lucky to have a group of family members who are more than willing to sit for me and I feel so comfortable leaving them with my son. We have a no contact unless emergencies deal and I enjoy this rule. I am very much looking forward to our Christmas activities - both with my son and without him, both types are very important for us as a family!
I normally am not the type to be a worrier. I am usually pretty good at looking at a situation calmly and not over-reacting. I'm not saying I don't get stressed because I most certainly do, but typically there's a pretty good reason for it. I can usually look at the different angles of a situation and put my hopes on the best case scenario. Now that I'm a mom though, those rules are somewhat different, much like everything else about being a mom.
When it comes to worrying now, when it comes to my little guy, my worries are much more easily triggered. Granted, sometimes my fears are very irrational as I worry about just about anything baby - his size, weight gain, social, emotional, and behavioral development, eating habits, his health or sometimes I even get a little milestone envy. I guess the combination of never having done this parenting thing before and the importance of getting it right when it comes to real issues fuel the sometimes "cart before the horse" thinking that I work myself into.
I once heard that worrying is about as pointless as sitting in a rocking chair. All that movement and you don't get anywhere. Knowing this fact doesn't make it any less tempting to sit down for a rock though.
Where is the balance? When should you brush off a concern and when should you take action? Put more simply - when do you relax and when do you react? For example, I don't want to be in denial of a real issue and only bring my child to the hospital when he's desperate for medical attention. On the other hand I do not want to be that mom that runs every time my baby has a tickle in his throat or a runny nose. I know the advice out there gives symptoms and signs to watch for when dealing with a potential concern, and encourages you to use your intuition, but sometimes my intuition is over-powered by my mother fears. I am sometimes unable to differentiate fully between the two - either that or my fear takes the driver's seat. I suppose I will struggle with this balance so long as I am a parent - in other words the rest of my life!
Momma's Musts
- Try to balance. I struggle with it with every issue with my child. Sometimes I let my intuition keep me clam, other times my fear wins out. Keep trying to find your balance when faced with an issue - it's not going to be an easy one!
- Forgive yourself. If you make a bad judgement call on one extreme or the other - for example if you bring your child to the hospital with a simple stomach bug or if you stay home too long with a high fever - remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and you are unable to know exactly what to do in every situation all the time.
- Err on the side of caution - within reason. If you have a nagging concern or something just doesn't feel right, you'll feel worse if you ignore it and it becomes a more serious problem later. If nothing else, you gain peace of mind by having something that is persistently bothering you put to rest.
- Don't look for things to worry about. Watch how much time you spend on "Dr. Google" or listening to worst case dramatic scenarios. True, the internet can be an invaluable resource, but sometimes those sources are not as legit as you would have hoped. They may be biased or based on limited or incorrect information. Trust only the professionals when it comes to real issues and avoid giving yourself unnecessary things to worry about.
I admit it - I am one of those moms who has said "We're NEVER doing that" or "We're ALWAYS going to do this". I see now how silly those statements sound. I'll provide some examples.
For starters - I was NEVER going to give my son a pacifier. My reasoning? I didn't want him to be dependent on anything to help him soothe. I wanted him to be completely independent and able to self soothe. Maybe if I had kept up this absolute he may have reached this goal, but things change. When he was 4 months old, he started teething. He was desperate for things to chew or suck on - he needed things in his mouth to ease his pain and discomfort. I had several teething toys - one that vibrated and one that you could freeze. The trouble was that he was too small to hold the teethers up to his mouth long enough to provide substantial relief. I would place one in his mouth and bring his little fingers around the handles and step back and wait. The result - only a few seconds of comfort. Then followed this screams from having had relief for a brief second and now that is horribly gone. To assist him in these times, I did sit and hold them up his mouth for a period each day but he still pulled them out, not to mention me not being able to stay there all day.
Then one night as I was getting him ready for bed he was chewing hard on his hands and crying out in pain. I suddenly had a thought that maybe if he had something that he could actually KEEP in his mouth to chew/suck on he might feel better. Now what could such a thing look like? I wonder...I gave into my NEVERS and gave him one of the pacifiers that I had recieved as a shower gift. I've never looked back since, it was a great decision and sometimes a cold nummy is all he needs.
Another NEVER was allowing my child to sleep in our bed. At first it was a safety issue, I thought that he was too small and maybe I would roll on him or he wouldn't be able to recognize when he was too close to a blanket or pillow. I am still a firm beliver in my child having his own bed and room for sleeping but with exceptions. There have been moments when I have broken my NEVER rule. On a particularly early morning - say 5:30 am - I am just not ready to get out of bed for the day. When he wakes this early have taken to feeding him in my bed and letting him fall back asleep next to me. I have tried the alternative of moving him to his crib, but he thinks it's time to get up for the day to play. I find that I love having him in the bed with us on weekends when we "sleep in" and hang out the three of us.
Those are just two of the many retractions I have experienced. I have learned the foolishness of my statements and am wary of saying them again in the future. The truth is I have no idea what I will do in a situation I'm presented with until I am actually IN it. I haven't worn the shoes of those times yet so how do I know how they fit? Today I may do something one way and tomorrow a completely different way. I guess my bottom line is - major parent lesson - NEVER say NEVER!
Here is a list of 10 things that have happened because of becoming a mom - none of which I anticipated as being part of the mom deal.
1. Hair loss. After baby was about a month old I began to lose my hair in large clumps. I would find it all over the house - on the floor, in my bed, in the drains, in my baby's hands - everywhere. It was an unpleasant side effect but it seems to be slowing down now and I've even got new hair growing on my forehead.
2. "Ish". Timing things with baby can be tough so when meeting someone - I always add it - "I'll be there by 3ish" because you can only approximate time with a baby. The little one is running the show and the best you can hope for is a ballpark time. This also works when someone asks you a question about the recent past - "When did you last feed baby?" again, the "ish" answer is required because memory is usually a little foggy "Ah, around 2ish??"
3. Little tiny things are so exciting. Rolling a certain way, saying "d" on the way to "dada", lifting himself up a teeny bit higher while on his belly - all is such a giant step for baby and means so much to me. I have shrieked with excitement over the tinest development and love every bit of it!
4. Children's songs and TV shows. I find myself humming and singing songs from Disney Jr. and Treehouse channels, and actually enjoying the songs and having preferences for shows. I also am critical about the "adult" parts of the shows in a funny way - such as why does Handy Manny never recieve payment for all his jobs? Haha.
5. Suddenly having no idea what's going on. This one kind of ties in with #4- I rarely catch the daily news because I never noticed the time or I just plain forgot to bother switching the channel. I have discovered that a PVR is my new best friend to allow myself to actually watch some of my own shows when I can, and also to have certain kiddie programs ready on a second's notice for a fussy baby.
6. My willingness to handle body fluids. I was the type that got grossed out by all things human - blood, vomit, poop, mucus, you name it. Now, when my son poops I change him willingly and as fast as I can because I don't want him to be uncomfortable. Then I analyze the poop to make sure he's having healthy movements for the right consistency and colors - I even checked out a photo album online to match the poop. The pre-mommy me would NEVER have been able to stomach that. Now it doesn't matter at all to me - spit up, puke, poop, bring it on!
7.My ability to measure - Before my son arrived I had no idea how big a baby would be at any stage. Now I can pick up a set of sleepers in a store without looking at the tag and know if it will fit my son now, or have an idea of when it did fit or will fit in the future. I am also good at judging ounces without any measuring marks- I had no idea how big an ounce was before I had my baby.
8. The value of one free hand. I have surprised myself with the range of things I can do with baby in one arm with the other hand free. I can pour, stir, open jars, move laundry, lay down blankets, eat, water plants, carry bags, - you name it. I can also pick some things up with my toes now...haha
9. Bedtime. My bedtime has drastically changed since baby. While my little guy is a pretty good sleeper, you can never know when he is going to have a bad night. So I have taken to getting into my bed shortly after he gets into his. I don't always go tp sleep right away, sometimes I read or watch TV but I find staying up a possible waste of necessary relaxation time that I simply cannot afford.
10. How much I love cuddles. I can never get enough of those moments when my baby is in my arms and snuggling up or just sitting with me, hanging out with mom. It will never be enough!
One of the highlights of being a new mommy - play dates. At this stage in my son's life the playdate is more a mommy date. As he gets older they get increasingly more beneficial to him though and it is great to see him with other babies. Here is my look at the positive...and negative..side of playdates.
A playdate is a time to get out of the house(or host a small group) and spend some time with mommy friends. I have found that even if a mommy and myself had nothingin common before, this no longer matters since baby arrived. There is an endless list of topics to cover. We listen to each other's stories, share each other's joys and struggles and offer suggestions. We snack and let the babies interact with each other.
We learn some new tricks of the trade for teething, sleeping, feeding and fussiness. We discuss product brands that work and ones that don't, what TV shows we prefer for our little ones to watch, and what toys are useful and fun. I feel like I have some time with people who really understand exactly where I am in life now. Playdates lead to a fantastic source of companionship and support, and it's neat to see the babies start to socialize with each other.
As with most things, there is a downside, but thankfully I don't believe it is too severe. Things to watch out for is comparing the babies beyond the norm. Of course the babies are all different and progressing at different rates and as I have said in Milestone Envy it is virtually impossible for us to avoid comparing our children against one another. The important thing to remember is to not let it get out of hand. It's okay to voice our comparisons in light conversation, as long as we don't let things get too heavy and become competitive. Another downsidesis the "keeping up the with baby joneses." There is no way that you will ever be able to have every toy or every baby gimmick that your friends have. While discovering new and useful toys and quality baby gear from others is a plus, it can get concerning when it becomes a contest. If you are trying to copy everything someone else has, it can be exhausting and never ending. It may also be necessary to tune out the mommy who appears to be constantly boasting that she has the best of everything. You are doing just fine as a mom! Your child has everything he/she needs!
Bottom line, I love playdates and like to think that my son does too, and I plan to swallow up every opportunity to attend one!
Momma's Musts
- Join up! Find a playgroup in your local area or start one among your mommy friends. Even if you only know one other person with a baby, they may know someone else and it can snowball from there.
- Soak it up! Listen to other's stories and relate in their experiences, and offer and welcome advice from other mommas. Sort through the advice when you are home later and decide what will actually be useful to you
- Be wary. Try to avoid the competitive side in comparing babies and baby gear. Trust yourself with your decisions and equipment choices. Sift through advice but let your thoughts be the final word. As long as your baby has sufficient materials for healthy growth and development - relax!
- Enjoy yourselves! The purpose of a playdate is to do just that - play! Play with your babies and enjoy the other mommies and just let yourself have fun!
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During the summer, a spider built a web outside my bedroom window. I am not normally a fan of spiders. While I'm not really afraid of them, I usually get rid of them when I see them. This particular spider built her home out of my reach but in plain sight, and to my surprise I have really enjoyed watching her since she decided to move in. I have realized that a lot of what she does is in some ways a unique metaphor for being a parent.
A spider's web is a very delicate force of nature. Most of the time we see them from a distance and we don't really pay attention. However, if we take the time to look closely we see the great amount of work and attention to detail it took Ms. Spider to create such a functional and efficient home. Just like parents. Parents are everywhere, many times off in a distance and not being a major concern to passers by - but if you look carefully will see just how much passion they have for their families and how everything all seems to run so effortlessly. Up close it becomes clear that it takes a lot of effective planning and behind the scenes to appear this way.
My spider friend lost her home so many times over the summer that I stopped counting. Daily weather events such as wind and rain - or what was the horror of Hurricane Leslie demolished all her hard work again and again. It never ceased to amaze me that after seeing her hanging on in the ruins of her home on a single thread (literally) the very next day she had rebuilt everything without flinching. I thought - she is one of the most resilent creatures I have ever seen! Then I got to thinking- so are parents. No matter what happens or however horrible it may seem - we have to be there for our kids. We have to pick up the pieces, rebuild and move forward no matter how dire it may seem, and we usually have to do it quickly. The thing is - never before in my life have I been so willing to move on after things go awry - having a baby has certainly put that in perspective. He needs me, end of story, and I had better be there - no matter the weather.
Sometimes I am lucky enough to see my little spider friend catching an unsuspecting fly or bug for some much needed lunch. She does it in such a skilled way - it is facinating to watch. Other times I see her unmoving for long periods and can't help but wonder if she is dead - but she has fooled me - she is only snoozing. Hours later I see her crawling again, scurrying around, further perfecting her home. Just like a parent, scurrying around quietly in the just when you thought they had nothing left. Parent's lives have a certain simplicity on the surface, but in their own way are facinating to watch.
Ms. Spider has stirred my thinking on a greater level than I ever could have anticipated, and I am so glad she decided to build her web outside my window out of my reach. Any other time I would have probably destroyed her without a second thought and I have so enjoyed watching her. It is an astonishing phenomenon and I look forward to watching her for as long as she shares an address with me.
Momma's Musts
- Pay attention! There is plenty of amazement right around you that can inspire some great thinking and help you to appreciate your life in new ways.
- You are something great! Being a parent is no small feat and it may look easy at a distance but up close it is a very delicate operation.
Thanks to St. John's Mom for her post about me here. Follow her for lots of valuable info and events for parents in St.John's and area!
