A controversial topic that has sparked my interest lately is something that I feel compelled to speak out about.
I read an article recently that made me really think. The article details the devastation of one mother who lost her new baby because of dehydration. Just days after the child was born, she found him unresponsive. I can't even go there - but I feel like it lit a fire under me. She was breastfeeding him from the moment he was born and he was feeding constantly. Unknown to her, she wasn't producing enough or much at all, and her child kept feeding because he was starving. Nurses told her it was normal, he was cluster feeding. She trusted them and had the absolute worst case scenario. While I know this isn't the norm, it got me thinking....
Now, before I get into this, let me say I have had great success with Breastfeeding. No issues latching or with supply right from the get go. Mind you I had the hell of sore and cracked nipples, plugged ducts and mastitis (a nasty infection that gets bad quick if untreated), I went through overactive letdown, cluster feeding in growth spurts, sleepless nights and had the awesome responsibility of being the one who is solely responsible for feeding. But, overall, I would call my experience good. But it is NOT always the best or only option.
I have had so many momma conversations over the past number of years with both friends and strangers and the overwhelming message than has been taken away following childbirth is the steady pressure to breastfeed. From the moment babies are born, most nurses both in the hospital and public health present the "Are you breastfeeding?" question in a condescending expectant tone. As if the alternative was equivalent to allowing your child to forage for food alone. It's treated as a dirty F word. You know what I'm talking about momma's - Formula.
Having a baby is no picnic, as any one who does knows. The first few weeks are culture shock and turn everything you once knew about yourself (and your partner) on it's head. That alone is enough to trigger emotional mayhem. Even if you aren't among those unfortunate enough to get the real deal baby blues, you are hot and cold, up and down, and many times you feel alone. So when you are EXPECTED to breastfeed, now you have this as an added stressor. And it's a big one. It means you are the ONLY person who will feed your child and sometimes during growth spurts, its for days on end with minimal break. It means that it will be much longer before your social life comes back as you can't go far unless you have pumped a bottle (assuming you can) and you have to pump as soon as you get home from said night out to relieve pressure in your breasts (it HURTS!) and to maintain supply. It's all consuming. I did it - and it went fairly well for me after all that. So when it doesn't go well I cannot imagine the pressure.
Here are some things some momma's have told me:
- Many whose babies have difficulties latching have tried endlessly for weeks with help of lactation consultants.
- Many with these latch issues PUMPED the milk for their babies and then fed them - for MONTHS. That's double the work. Hours pumping every day and then hours feeding. (When is there time for themselves? When do they sleep? What about their mental health and life balance?)
-Many felt their babies were starving because they would scream uncontrollably within a half an hour of feeding and they were told not to supplement, instead to try to pump or take medication to increase supply
-many momma's go without sleep for months because their babies aren't getting enough milk during feedings in the day and are still starving in the nights
-those who gave up breastfeeding "too early" felt they had to continuously justify their choice, and felt like failures. As if their emotions and momma guilt weren't all over the place enough already
-this one boggles me - in hospital babies may not feed for 48 hours because of issues with breastfeeding (latching, supply etc), and momma's are discouraged against giving formula! I'm sorry what???? Maybe there is research to support this but my momma instinct prickles here.....
- a friend of mine with no luck with breastfeeding made the conscious and mature decision to try formula on baby #2. She inquired that while there is a breastfeeding support group, why isn't there a bottle feeding support group? She was told she could bring her child to a breastfeeding group to have her weighed, but she was NOT to bottle feed in the group....again...I'm sorry..what?? I think there should be a momma-baby support group - period. Who cares how they are getting fed so long as they are fed. All momma's need help and someone to talk to who can relate. It would be also be nice to have your baby weighed and have questions answered without having to make an appointment with your doctor, regardless your food of choice. It just seems ridiculous even as I write it.
My personal opinion to those in power is ENOUGH already! I would bet that just about every single mother ultimately wants what's best for their baby. Without question. Not one mother I mentioned above wanted to hurt their child. Sure, breastfeeding has proven benefits, but children who are fed formula are okay too! When did it become okay to promote breastfeeding even if it meant your child was starving for any amount of time? Even if it seriously threatened the mental health of the momma? I think something has to change.
I hope my point doesn't get skewed here. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with breastfeeding. IF YOU CAN. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU. IF YOUR CHILD ISN'T STARVING.
Being a new mom or a second, or third time mom is hard enough without judgment and pressure about how you feed your baby. I say feed your baby, how you want for as long as you want. You want to do 100% breastfeeding? Great! You want 100% formula? Awesome! You want to supplement? Sure! You want to breastfeed for a week or a month and then switch, no problem!
We should be supporting our momma's and stop worrying so much about how/what they feed their babies, and more about what we can do to help them with their choices.
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Crying it Out
How is it that after all this time, I'm STILL here? Let me clarify. 'Here' means up at night, listening to that ear splitting mind numbing late night cry that comes back night after night no matter what I have tried. I feel as though I have fallen into a trap of mommy mistakes that I am destined to repeat again and again in order to keep my sanity. Or am I? Have I found a way out, or is it something that I am being tested on and will have no other choice but to give in?
My son STILL wakes in the night. STILL. It's been on and off since he was 4 months old. The bliss that allowed me to have bragging rights after he slept through the night at just 9 weeks lasted just under two months and then things went steadily downhill. At first these wakeful episodes were sporadic, and easily justified with teething, belly cramps, growth spurts, illness, etc. It's amazing what you will tell yourself as a parent to justify interfering with a baby's night time wails. The truth is, you will do ANYTHING sometimes to silence that piercing scream because you just need sleep. Surely that's not too much to ask.
The problem with that is, once you start interfering it becomes a routine. In the past, sometimes his wails would receive immediate gratification - a crib side visit from both mom and dad, a brief belly rub, a fresh nummy and some benedryl for what we believed to be aching teeth and gums. Other times after twenty plus minutes of cries he would get some time in the rocker with mommy and a fresh diaper. Nights when it was longer, and I mean HOURS longer, or none of this worked, one of us would rise and drag our sleepy selves to his fierce screams and rescue him from the throes of his crib. It was here we would commit the ultimate crime - I would nurse him and we would allow him to fall back to sleep in our bed between us. These desperate measures soon became habit, because more often than not, they were the guaranteed fix. So we would reason with ourselves. Why would we let him cry for such a long period when we were just going to give in and do this eventually, why prolong the inevitable? Why not just do it the moment he begins to spare ourselves the discomfort? Problem - we found ourselves locked in a vicious cycle. Then a new problem. This foul proof method began to fail. A lot. And sleeping with a baby is hard! He kicks. He sprawls out. I can't move for fear of waking him. Now what?
Here's what I know- I am tired of that and finally at my breaking point. It MUST stop.
So following a couple of major schedule disruptions from our vacations where all nighttime 'rules' were abandoned for the greater good of sleep, I have had it with the nighttime waking. I can't take it anymore and (as of right now anyway) am willing to put in the legwork to let him cry it out simply because I am out of ideas.
I have figured out that I can't simply lie in bed and listen to the wails. When I have done that I can't decide which is worse - the steady screech or the false- hope inducing silence that lasts sometimes as long as a minute only to be shattered by yet another ear splitting scream. Both types leave me wanting to stand with my head planted firmly against a wall, pulling away only to slam it back and forth repeatedly in frustration. Clearly this is not a healthy coping strategy. So I have conjured up a new tactic. When the cries start, I get up. I retreat groggily to the living room to watch tv, blog, read - do something to distract myself in order to be awake enough to monitor the persistent cries but not in the semi awake state that was my cozy bed. I have found that while this is frustrating also, it is not nearly as bad as thinking I can go to sleep only to be roused steadily every thirty seconds as the shrill cries continue.
There are still troubles here though, however. I have a breaking point. After two hours, I need to do SOMETHING different. When this point nears, I conjure a plan of 'ok, so I'll change him and cuddle him, but no way am I feeding him' etc. Progress is welcomed, no matter how small. If he cried for two hours one night and only an hour and 40 minutes the next, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then there are the set back nights when he digs in an goes even harder the next night for a whopping three hours. Once pain is ruled out and stubbornness is determined as the contributing factor (usually because he is wide awake, babbling at this point, ready for play) you reach a point where all your hard work is threatened and you are hitting that place where you will resort to your old damaging habits out of desperation. It's just soooo much easier. 'Come on. Go get him. Feed him. Put him in your bed. You'll both win. You can SLEEP.'
Trouble is, he seems relatively un-phased the next day, whereas I am a zombie. He's up at his regular time, busy as a bee and I am in a daze, desperate for nap time for some rest. There are days when I feel I simply have no drive for anything extra, that I just can't keep up with him, and how is that he was up as long as I was, but he's FINE??????
As I write this blog I am hopeful for a solution as we enter hour two of his latest wakeful episode at what is now 2:30 am. Wish me luck that I can outlast him in this battle, and that the nighttime wars will soon be over.
My son STILL wakes in the night. STILL. It's been on and off since he was 4 months old. The bliss that allowed me to have bragging rights after he slept through the night at just 9 weeks lasted just under two months and then things went steadily downhill. At first these wakeful episodes were sporadic, and easily justified with teething, belly cramps, growth spurts, illness, etc. It's amazing what you will tell yourself as a parent to justify interfering with a baby's night time wails. The truth is, you will do ANYTHING sometimes to silence that piercing scream because you just need sleep. Surely that's not too much to ask.
The problem with that is, once you start interfering it becomes a routine. In the past, sometimes his wails would receive immediate gratification - a crib side visit from both mom and dad, a brief belly rub, a fresh nummy and some benedryl for what we believed to be aching teeth and gums. Other times after twenty plus minutes of cries he would get some time in the rocker with mommy and a fresh diaper. Nights when it was longer, and I mean HOURS longer, or none of this worked, one of us would rise and drag our sleepy selves to his fierce screams and rescue him from the throes of his crib. It was here we would commit the ultimate crime - I would nurse him and we would allow him to fall back to sleep in our bed between us. These desperate measures soon became habit, because more often than not, they were the guaranteed fix. So we would reason with ourselves. Why would we let him cry for such a long period when we were just going to give in and do this eventually, why prolong the inevitable? Why not just do it the moment he begins to spare ourselves the discomfort? Problem - we found ourselves locked in a vicious cycle. Then a new problem. This foul proof method began to fail. A lot. And sleeping with a baby is hard! He kicks. He sprawls out. I can't move for fear of waking him. Now what?
Here's what I know- I am tired of that and finally at my breaking point. It MUST stop.
So following a couple of major schedule disruptions from our vacations where all nighttime 'rules' were abandoned for the greater good of sleep, I have had it with the nighttime waking. I can't take it anymore and (as of right now anyway) am willing to put in the legwork to let him cry it out simply because I am out of ideas.
I have figured out that I can't simply lie in bed and listen to the wails. When I have done that I can't decide which is worse - the steady screech or the false- hope inducing silence that lasts sometimes as long as a minute only to be shattered by yet another ear splitting scream. Both types leave me wanting to stand with my head planted firmly against a wall, pulling away only to slam it back and forth repeatedly in frustration. Clearly this is not a healthy coping strategy. So I have conjured up a new tactic. When the cries start, I get up. I retreat groggily to the living room to watch tv, blog, read - do something to distract myself in order to be awake enough to monitor the persistent cries but not in the semi awake state that was my cozy bed. I have found that while this is frustrating also, it is not nearly as bad as thinking I can go to sleep only to be roused steadily every thirty seconds as the shrill cries continue.
There are still troubles here though, however. I have a breaking point. After two hours, I need to do SOMETHING different. When this point nears, I conjure a plan of 'ok, so I'll change him and cuddle him, but no way am I feeding him' etc. Progress is welcomed, no matter how small. If he cried for two hours one night and only an hour and 40 minutes the next, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then there are the set back nights when he digs in an goes even harder the next night for a whopping three hours. Once pain is ruled out and stubbornness is determined as the contributing factor (usually because he is wide awake, babbling at this point, ready for play) you reach a point where all your hard work is threatened and you are hitting that place where you will resort to your old damaging habits out of desperation. It's just soooo much easier. 'Come on. Go get him. Feed him. Put him in your bed. You'll both win. You can SLEEP.'
Trouble is, he seems relatively un-phased the next day, whereas I am a zombie. He's up at his regular time, busy as a bee and I am in a daze, desperate for nap time for some rest. There are days when I feel I simply have no drive for anything extra, that I just can't keep up with him, and how is that he was up as long as I was, but he's FINE??????
As I write this blog I am hopeful for a solution as we enter hour two of his latest wakeful episode at what is now 2:30 am. Wish me luck that I can outlast him in this battle, and that the nighttime wars will soon be over.
Saturday, June 01, 2013
Extended Breast Feeding
Today's post is long overdue..Momma has been taking a writing break. Call it writer's block or mommy busy time, or whatever you want - but finally I'm making my way back into the blog world.
As most of my readers know I have survived my little ones first year on planet earth. Among other goals, one of the "buzz word" goals I have heard all year is breastfeeding your child to the one year mark. From the start I always took the mantra of breastfeeding as long as it worked for both myself and my son and now that he is past the one year mark - it is still working. This decision is mine alone and I am very comfortable with it but there are (as always!) issues with it in my world and in the social world around me.
I can deal with the issues in my world. Basically I can strip them down to some sharp teeth and attention shifting. He sometimes nips me, rests his chompers while suckling and pops off without warning to follow a sudden sound or sight. Those things I have adjusted to. It's the outside things that I struggle with.
Is it just me or is there a negative connotation associated with breastfeeding a baby to a certain age by most of the general public? And is it just me or does the media perpetuate this? Time magazine had a 'controversial' cover a few months back of a little boy standing on a stool so he could feed while his mother was standing and posing for the cover of the popular magazine. I've seen it on news reports, magazine articles - how long is too long? When is the "right" time to wean? Many movies make fun of it by having children who can walk and talk sidle up to their mothers and help themselves to some milk amidst judgemental and harrowing glances from the other characters present - poking fun at this in an extreme way. The sad part is, before baby I was inclined to side with this "disgusting" view of it. Funny how being in the situation has shifted my views, as is usually the case with everything.
At this point in mine and my son's life I am still comfortable feeding him from my breast. The number of feedings, the times of these feeds and when he eats other foods are up to us and we are happy with where things are. I FEEL that stigma that I should have started weaning by now though and I know I have to rise above it, but it can be tough.
My motto - what works for me right now may not work for anyone else now or ever. I am not causing any harm to anyone (other than the occasional bite for myself....haha) and the message I would like to send - you never know how you would react to a situation until you are actually in it. Before you can walk in someone else's shoes, you must first remove your own.
I plan on getting back in the blogging game more regularly now. Stay tuned for some new post 1 year old baby topics :)
As most of my readers know I have survived my little ones first year on planet earth. Among other goals, one of the "buzz word" goals I have heard all year is breastfeeding your child to the one year mark. From the start I always took the mantra of breastfeeding as long as it worked for both myself and my son and now that he is past the one year mark - it is still working. This decision is mine alone and I am very comfortable with it but there are (as always!) issues with it in my world and in the social world around me.
I can deal with the issues in my world. Basically I can strip them down to some sharp teeth and attention shifting. He sometimes nips me, rests his chompers while suckling and pops off without warning to follow a sudden sound or sight. Those things I have adjusted to. It's the outside things that I struggle with.
Is it just me or is there a negative connotation associated with breastfeeding a baby to a certain age by most of the general public? And is it just me or does the media perpetuate this? Time magazine had a 'controversial' cover a few months back of a little boy standing on a stool so he could feed while his mother was standing and posing for the cover of the popular magazine. I've seen it on news reports, magazine articles - how long is too long? When is the "right" time to wean? Many movies make fun of it by having children who can walk and talk sidle up to their mothers and help themselves to some milk amidst judgemental and harrowing glances from the other characters present - poking fun at this in an extreme way. The sad part is, before baby I was inclined to side with this "disgusting" view of it. Funny how being in the situation has shifted my views, as is usually the case with everything.
At this point in mine and my son's life I am still comfortable feeding him from my breast. The number of feedings, the times of these feeds and when he eats other foods are up to us and we are happy with where things are. I FEEL that stigma that I should have started weaning by now though and I know I have to rise above it, but it can be tough.
My motto - what works for me right now may not work for anyone else now or ever. I am not causing any harm to anyone (other than the occasional bite for myself....haha) and the message I would like to send - you never know how you would react to a situation until you are actually in it. Before you can walk in someone else's shoes, you must first remove your own.
I plan on getting back in the blogging game more regularly now. Stay tuned for some new post 1 year old baby topics :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Missed Vacation
Sigh. It's snowing outside. Again. The wind is pounding my house, snow sticking to my windows and my driveway is heavy with large chunks of the stuff. I know, it's winter and it's all part of it. It's just that I wasn't supposed to be in the winter season this week, I had plans to spend this week in the sunny south. Those plans rapidly disintegrated after this wild weather weekend, however.
In October of 2012 we booked our first flight vacation as a family of three. We were going to brave it and take our infant on a plane ride to a warmer place. The time we selected was in the middle of winter to escape the depressing snowstorms and slip into a time of shorts and sandles, something I have never done in the month of February. I was very excited to say the least.
As with any vacation, the anticipation is a large part of the fun. Imagining yourself sitting in a pool, shopping in outlet stores, visiting local attractions, seeing palm trees and feeling the warm sunshine on your face. There is a lot involved in going on one of these trips too. You get things ready. You purchase special travel items good for plane rides and away from home stays. You get passport pictures taken and apply for your passport. You eat all the food in your house so nothing goes bad. You do laundry. You pack and write lists so nothing is forgotten. You mentally start checking out of your every day life and start getting excited to get away from the mundane everyday chores - even if only for a little while. Then you sit and wait for that magic time when you leave for the airport to board your flight that will carry you into your much needed escape. All of that happened for me these last little while, all of it, except the trip to the airport and the plane ride.
About a week ago, I saw the dreaded 5 snowflake display on the Weather Network's display and the looming giant green snow bubble on the CBC weather report that was moving along the coast. Then they put a name on this storm - Nemo. I had a sinking feeling when I heard that this storm had a name that I may not be escaping the winter after all.
Well, Nemo found us and did he ever. A yucky windy day on Saturday led first to a delayed and eventually a cancelled flight. I wasn't super surprised, but I was disappointed. I got on the phone with the airline as soon as I read that dreadful word "cancelled" on the airport website and after 40 minutes on hold and another 45 minutes re-booking I felt good. Sure, we were losing 2 days of vacation but at least we were still going. And we had a better flight, it fit better around my little baby's schedule. I came to terms with what we had lost but looked forward to making the most of what we had left and focused my attention to waiting for our Monday flight.
On Monday morning, I got up and started to get ready to head to the airport. I kept checking the airport website and just about every time I discovered that we were delayed yet again. Suddenly our ideal flight time was getting less than ideal and arrival was later and later. Every second we were delayed was yet another second that we were missing out on our hard earned vacation. Not to mention what the waiting was doing to me. I had held it together after Saturday's cancellation but on Monday after the third delay I started to crack. Finally, the inevitable happened. Flight cancelled. Because it was now cutting into more than a third of our total vacation, we decided to cancel the entire trip, cut our losses and try again another time. Sigh.
So I had to unpack without ever having used anything in my suitcase. It had never been so tidy when it was unpacked! I had to switch gears and realize that there was hardly a scrap of food in the house and that I better get moving before any more weather hit and restock my cupboards. I needed to turn off the mental excitement and get back to the reality of winter. And I was sad. I had been so looking forward to this trip and just couldn't believe that I wouldn't get to be where I had dreamed of being for months.
So in attempt to stay positive here are some "it could be worse" statements that have helped me realize this isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm burned from ever wanting to book a vacation in the dead of winter ever again. I might as well keep my shorts boxed up until June.
In October of 2012 we booked our first flight vacation as a family of three. We were going to brave it and take our infant on a plane ride to a warmer place. The time we selected was in the middle of winter to escape the depressing snowstorms and slip into a time of shorts and sandles, something I have never done in the month of February. I was very excited to say the least.
As with any vacation, the anticipation is a large part of the fun. Imagining yourself sitting in a pool, shopping in outlet stores, visiting local attractions, seeing palm trees and feeling the warm sunshine on your face. There is a lot involved in going on one of these trips too. You get things ready. You purchase special travel items good for plane rides and away from home stays. You get passport pictures taken and apply for your passport. You eat all the food in your house so nothing goes bad. You do laundry. You pack and write lists so nothing is forgotten. You mentally start checking out of your every day life and start getting excited to get away from the mundane everyday chores - even if only for a little while. Then you sit and wait for that magic time when you leave for the airport to board your flight that will carry you into your much needed escape. All of that happened for me these last little while, all of it, except the trip to the airport and the plane ride.
About a week ago, I saw the dreaded 5 snowflake display on the Weather Network's display and the looming giant green snow bubble on the CBC weather report that was moving along the coast. Then they put a name on this storm - Nemo. I had a sinking feeling when I heard that this storm had a name that I may not be escaping the winter after all.
Well, Nemo found us and did he ever. A yucky windy day on Saturday led first to a delayed and eventually a cancelled flight. I wasn't super surprised, but I was disappointed. I got on the phone with the airline as soon as I read that dreadful word "cancelled" on the airport website and after 40 minutes on hold and another 45 minutes re-booking I felt good. Sure, we were losing 2 days of vacation but at least we were still going. And we had a better flight, it fit better around my little baby's schedule. I came to terms with what we had lost but looked forward to making the most of what we had left and focused my attention to waiting for our Monday flight.
On Monday morning, I got up and started to get ready to head to the airport. I kept checking the airport website and just about every time I discovered that we were delayed yet again. Suddenly our ideal flight time was getting less than ideal and arrival was later and later. Every second we were delayed was yet another second that we were missing out on our hard earned vacation. Not to mention what the waiting was doing to me. I had held it together after Saturday's cancellation but on Monday after the third delay I started to crack. Finally, the inevitable happened. Flight cancelled. Because it was now cutting into more than a third of our total vacation, we decided to cancel the entire trip, cut our losses and try again another time. Sigh.
So I had to unpack without ever having used anything in my suitcase. It had never been so tidy when it was unpacked! I had to switch gears and realize that there was hardly a scrap of food in the house and that I better get moving before any more weather hit and restock my cupboards. I needed to turn off the mental excitement and get back to the reality of winter. And I was sad. I had been so looking forward to this trip and just couldn't believe that I wouldn't get to be where I had dreamed of being for months.
So in attempt to stay positive here are some "it could be worse" statements that have helped me realize this isn't so bad.
- we did all of our waiting at home, not stuck in some airport or on a tarmack
- our trip was cancelled because of weather and not because of sickness or issues with us or our family
- we didn't have to take a partial vacation after the first flights were cancelled
- my son is too young to even notice what is going on so he is not crushed with disappointment
- baring any insurance red tape, we should get a refund and can re-book a new vacation for later
I'm pretty sure that I'm burned from ever wanting to book a vacation in the dead of winter ever again. I might as well keep my shorts boxed up until June.
Friday, February 01, 2013
Percentile Panic
It's time for a set of vaccinations or a particular month's check-up for your little one. You pack-up and bundle up and head to the public health clinic or your family doctor's office, and if you're anything like me - you brace yourself. These visits, I'm sorry to say in my experience have never failed to leave me feeling lost, scared and usually worried. And my baby is very healthy. Is that really necessary?
Let me clarify. I do believe in the importance of vaccinating against highly contagious and often dangerous diseases and viral infections. I also believe in the importance of checking out the major developments in a new baby, having an opportunity to ask questions, and record things like a baby's growth and milestone development. All of this, baring any major abnormalities or areas of concern should make for a fairly pleasant experience for one of these routine trips - should it not? Well in my experiences, I would say, no - it does not.
I am used to the drill - my son is weighed and measured, has his head circumference, hip alignment and sensory responses checked. I report any concerns I'm having. Then the health care professional takes these measurements and either enter them into a computer(public health) or plot them on a paper grid (doctor) and then they read me back a list of percentiles. For example (and these numbers I am making up just for this post) let's say my son was in the 28th percentile for his height. It means (as far as I understand anyway) that he is as tall as or taller than 28% of all babies his age. On the flip side, it also means that he is shorter than 72% of all babies his age. Should I be worried now because according to this, he is short for his age? What am I supposed to do with that information? What is the purpose of it?
When the percentiles are low, I find myself worrying that he is behind his peers; and when they are high, I worry that he is too big for his age. I worry that it is my fault for what I have or have not done with him at home. Another question - these stats are based on information from what point in time - how recent? how many? and the big one - how accurate? There are ALWAYS discrepancies between my what my doctor reports vs. my public health clinic. One particular time my little boy was measured at both places less than one week apart, and in one particular percentile measure there was a discrepancy of almost 20% between the two sets of measures. What one pointed out as an area of concern another totally passed over. Who do I listen to? Aren't doctors supposed to be the bottom line? Or do public health nurses know better because they are more focused on babies?
I am tired of everyone telling me that irregardless of his scores on these percentile charts, that every baby is different blah blah blah. If that's the case then why do we compare them all against each other? It's contradictory and inconsistent - not to mention extremely stressful!
So far, because of these percentile measurements my son has had to have two further diagnostic tests, both of which came back negative. Some say that it's better to be thorough and "let me relax" by having everything checked in order to rule things out. While there is a part of me that does agree with this reasoning, I can't help but feel that it is totally unnecessary to put him through these tests in the first place. When all other signs point to "normal" (whatever that really means) and they've "never seen" these tests come back positive based on these percentile precautions, they still send in the referral, "just to be safe." So, what is the point other than the time spent getting it checked and the worry that fills my mind constantly until the test results come back? I think we are in a place of liability and constant fear from these health care professionals. They are terrified that they may miss any potential imperfection, irregardless of the potential stress it may place on the baby, not to mention the parents. These "non-invasive" tests are stressful and worrisome no matter how many times they are completed "just to be safe."
I know that as always, my opinion on this topic is not that of everyone reading this post and I do recognize and respect that. Personally speaking, I am just frustrated by what I feel more often than not are unnecessary stresses caused by this need to quantify everything in these comparative percentiles. It is challenging enough to be a parent and dealing with all the uncertainties and real issues we face on a day-to-day basis. I just don't see the need to add to this list in the extreme way that we are doing.
If nothing else, I feel a little better having a vent on this topic. I would love to hear the thoughts and experiences of my readers on this issue! Please leave your comments!
Let me clarify. I do believe in the importance of vaccinating against highly contagious and often dangerous diseases and viral infections. I also believe in the importance of checking out the major developments in a new baby, having an opportunity to ask questions, and record things like a baby's growth and milestone development. All of this, baring any major abnormalities or areas of concern should make for a fairly pleasant experience for one of these routine trips - should it not? Well in my experiences, I would say, no - it does not.
I am used to the drill - my son is weighed and measured, has his head circumference, hip alignment and sensory responses checked. I report any concerns I'm having. Then the health care professional takes these measurements and either enter them into a computer(public health) or plot them on a paper grid (doctor) and then they read me back a list of percentiles. For example (and these numbers I am making up just for this post) let's say my son was in the 28th percentile for his height. It means (as far as I understand anyway) that he is as tall as or taller than 28% of all babies his age. On the flip side, it also means that he is shorter than 72% of all babies his age. Should I be worried now because according to this, he is short for his age? What am I supposed to do with that information? What is the purpose of it?
When the percentiles are low, I find myself worrying that he is behind his peers; and when they are high, I worry that he is too big for his age. I worry that it is my fault for what I have or have not done with him at home. Another question - these stats are based on information from what point in time - how recent? how many? and the big one - how accurate? There are ALWAYS discrepancies between my what my doctor reports vs. my public health clinic. One particular time my little boy was measured at both places less than one week apart, and in one particular percentile measure there was a discrepancy of almost 20% between the two sets of measures. What one pointed out as an area of concern another totally passed over. Who do I listen to? Aren't doctors supposed to be the bottom line? Or do public health nurses know better because they are more focused on babies?
I am tired of everyone telling me that irregardless of his scores on these percentile charts, that every baby is different blah blah blah. If that's the case then why do we compare them all against each other? It's contradictory and inconsistent - not to mention extremely stressful!
So far, because of these percentile measurements my son has had to have two further diagnostic tests, both of which came back negative. Some say that it's better to be thorough and "let me relax" by having everything checked in order to rule things out. While there is a part of me that does agree with this reasoning, I can't help but feel that it is totally unnecessary to put him through these tests in the first place. When all other signs point to "normal" (whatever that really means) and they've "never seen" these tests come back positive based on these percentile precautions, they still send in the referral, "just to be safe." So, what is the point other than the time spent getting it checked and the worry that fills my mind constantly until the test results come back? I think we are in a place of liability and constant fear from these health care professionals. They are terrified that they may miss any potential imperfection, irregardless of the potential stress it may place on the baby, not to mention the parents. These "non-invasive" tests are stressful and worrisome no matter how many times they are completed "just to be safe."
I know that as always, my opinion on this topic is not that of everyone reading this post and I do recognize and respect that. Personally speaking, I am just frustrated by what I feel more often than not are unnecessary stresses caused by this need to quantify everything in these comparative percentiles. It is challenging enough to be a parent and dealing with all the uncertainties and real issues we face on a day-to-day basis. I just don't see the need to add to this list in the extreme way that we are doing.
If nothing else, I feel a little better having a vent on this topic. I would love to hear the thoughts and experiences of my readers on this issue! Please leave your comments!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Armstrong - Livestrong.....how about Liestrong
I find myself sitting here thinking today about Mr. Livestrong himself, the doping, false seven-time champ of the Tour de France. With all the buzz that Oprah has stirred it's hard not to. I know this does not seem like a topic that would be related to mommy or parenting - but hear me out (read me out??)
I'll admit that Lance had me fooled. But now that I sit and think about it, it just makes sense that there was something fake behind it. Seven times?? The most prestigious cycling race in the world and the same person won it SEVEN times?? Now it seems fishy, of course it does.
This is a sad world we live in. This man, an idol, the spokesperson for a very serious disease, and a role model for so many - adults.... and yes of course- children. How many children saw him win and strived to be like him? How many of them donned those yellow livestrong bracelets in support of his cause, who thought he was something wonderful? He not only cheated to win, he stole the title from someone else, hopefully someone more honest and deserving. Now he gets to be famous for his faults and like so many today, he gets his 15 minutes( or 3 hours apparently) to suck up to his audience, "explain" why he cheated. Personally, he had me at "cheated", or rather, he lost me. I watched the Fifth Estate for the coverage of the story, to see if it really were true. That was enough for me. I don't want to listen to him, don't want to tune in to watch his last-ditch effort to save face, and to make some more money off his choices and say he's sorry. Sorry there's real evidence against him and that he got caught, more like it.
I will say that I know he must have been under a great deal of pressure and sometimes we all cave under that pressure. But after the first title that he cheated to steal, he should have wised up and stopped. Instead he waited until he had won so many that he was a superstar, and denied all suspicions adamently, even with new proof surfacing as years went by. What kind of message did he expect to send? Right, my hero.
Now to tie it in with being a parent. Are we going to allow this kind of behavior from an idol to be okay in the eyes of our children? Are we going to help them erase their mistakes instead of facing them to get ahead in life? Are we going to allow them to cheat - or worse - help them do it and cover their tracks? Or are we going to raise honest boys and girls to turn into honorable men and women who actually know that telling the truth and doing things honestly is actually far better than cheating their way to the top? It scares me to think that too often when there are successes, there is something shady along the road to reach that success. While this is surely not true in every instance of success, I do see a major drop in morals here in the world. The world that I just brought a little boy into, and it doesn't seem fair. I want more for my little guy and personally, I don't want to hear about how Lance Armstrong lied to the world or why he is worth listening to.
I'll admit that Lance had me fooled. But now that I sit and think about it, it just makes sense that there was something fake behind it. Seven times?? The most prestigious cycling race in the world and the same person won it SEVEN times?? Now it seems fishy, of course it does.
This is a sad world we live in. This man, an idol, the spokesperson for a very serious disease, and a role model for so many - adults.... and yes of course- children. How many children saw him win and strived to be like him? How many of them donned those yellow livestrong bracelets in support of his cause, who thought he was something wonderful? He not only cheated to win, he stole the title from someone else, hopefully someone more honest and deserving. Now he gets to be famous for his faults and like so many today, he gets his 15 minutes( or 3 hours apparently) to suck up to his audience, "explain" why he cheated. Personally, he had me at "cheated", or rather, he lost me. I watched the Fifth Estate for the coverage of the story, to see if it really were true. That was enough for me. I don't want to listen to him, don't want to tune in to watch his last-ditch effort to save face, and to make some more money off his choices and say he's sorry. Sorry there's real evidence against him and that he got caught, more like it.
I will say that I know he must have been under a great deal of pressure and sometimes we all cave under that pressure. But after the first title that he cheated to steal, he should have wised up and stopped. Instead he waited until he had won so many that he was a superstar, and denied all suspicions adamently, even with new proof surfacing as years went by. What kind of message did he expect to send? Right, my hero.
Now to tie it in with being a parent. Are we going to allow this kind of behavior from an idol to be okay in the eyes of our children? Are we going to help them erase their mistakes instead of facing them to get ahead in life? Are we going to allow them to cheat - or worse - help them do it and cover their tracks? Or are we going to raise honest boys and girls to turn into honorable men and women who actually know that telling the truth and doing things honestly is actually far better than cheating their way to the top? It scares me to think that too often when there are successes, there is something shady along the road to reach that success. While this is surely not true in every instance of success, I do see a major drop in morals here in the world. The world that I just brought a little boy into, and it doesn't seem fair. I want more for my little guy and personally, I don't want to hear about how Lance Armstrong lied to the world or why he is worth listening to.
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