Fed is Best

A controversial topic that has sparked my interest lately is something that I feel compelled to speak out about. 

I read an article recently that made me really think. The article details the devastation of one mother who lost her new baby because of dehydration. Just days after the child was born, she found him unresponsive.  I can't even go there - but I feel like it lit a fire under me.  She was breastfeeding him from the moment he was born and he was feeding constantly.  Unknown to her, she wasn't producing enough or much at all, and her child kept feeding because he was starving. Nurses told her it was normal, he was cluster feeding. She trusted them and had the absolute worst case scenario. While I know this isn't the norm, it got me thinking....

Now, before I get into this, let me say I have had great success with Breastfeeding. No issues latching or with supply right from the get go. Mind you I had the hell of sore and cracked nipples, plugged ducts and mastitis (a nasty infection that gets bad quick if untreated),  I went through overactive letdown, cluster feeding in growth spurts, sleepless nights and had the awesome responsibility of being the one who is solely responsible for feeding. But, overall,  I would call my experience good. But it is NOT always the best or only option. 

I have had so many momma conversations over the past number of years with both friends and strangers and the overwhelming message than has been taken away following childbirth is the steady pressure to breastfeed.  From the moment babies are born, most nurses both in the hospital and public health present the "Are you breastfeeding?" question in a condescending expectant tone. As if the alternative was equivalent to allowing your child to forage for food alone.  It's treated as a dirty F word. You know what I'm talking about momma's - Formula. 

Having a baby is no picnic, as any one who does knows. The first few weeks are culture shock and turn everything you once knew about yourself (and your partner) on it's head.  That alone is enough to trigger emotional mayhem.  Even if you aren't among those unfortunate enough to get the real deal baby blues, you are hot and cold, up and down,  and many times you feel alone. So when you are EXPECTED to breastfeed, now you have this as an added stressor. And it's a big one.  It means you are the ONLY person who will feed your child and sometimes during growth spurts, its for days on end with minimal break.  It means that it will be much longer before your social life comes back as you can't go far unless you have pumped a bottle (assuming you can) and you have to pump as soon as you get home from said night out to relieve pressure in your breasts (it HURTS!) and to maintain supply. It's all consuming. I did it - and it went fairly well for me after all that. So when it doesn't go well I cannot imagine the pressure. 

Here are some things some momma's have told me:

- Many whose babies have difficulties latching have tried endlessly for weeks with help of lactation consultants. 
- Many with these latch issues PUMPED the milk for their babies and then fed them - for MONTHS.  That's double the work. Hours pumping every day and then hours feeding.  (When is there time for themselves? When do they sleep? What about their mental health and life balance?)

-Many felt their babies were starving because they would scream uncontrollably within a half an hour of feeding and they were told not to supplement, instead to try to pump or take medication to increase supply

-many momma's go without sleep for months because their babies aren't getting enough milk during feedings in the day and are still starving in the nights

-those who gave up breastfeeding "too early" felt they had to continuously justify their choice, and felt like failures. As if their emotions and momma guilt weren't all over the place enough already

-this one boggles me - in hospital babies may not feed for 48 hours because of issues with breastfeeding (latching, supply etc), and momma's are discouraged against giving formula! I'm sorry what???? Maybe there is research to support this but my momma instinct prickles here.....

- a friend of mine with no luck with breastfeeding made the conscious and mature decision to try formula on baby #2. She inquired that while there is a breastfeeding support group, why isn't there a bottle feeding support group? She was told she could bring her child to a breastfeeding group to have her weighed, but she was NOT to bottle feed in the group....again...I'm sorry..what?? I think there should be a momma-baby support group - period. Who cares how they are getting fed so long as they are fed. All momma's need help and someone to talk to who can relate. It would be also be nice to have your baby weighed and have questions answered without having to make an appointment with your doctor, regardless your food of choice. It just seems ridiculous even as I write it.   

My personal opinion to those in power is ENOUGH already! I would bet that just about every single mother ultimately wants what's best for their baby.  Without question.  Not one mother I mentioned above wanted to hurt their child. Sure, breastfeeding has proven benefits, but children who are fed formula are okay too! When did it become okay to promote breastfeeding even if it meant your child was starving for any amount of time? Even if it seriously threatened the mental health of the momma? I think something has to change.

 I hope my point doesn't get skewed here. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with breastfeeding. IF YOU CAN. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU.  IF YOUR CHILD ISN'T STARVING. 

Being a new mom or a second, or third time mom is hard enough without judgment and pressure about how you feed your baby. I say feed your baby, how you want for as long as you want. You want to do 100% breastfeeding? Great! You want 100% formula? Awesome! You want to supplement? Sure! You want to breastfeed for a week or a month and then switch, no problem! 

We should be supporting our momma's and stop worrying so much about how/what they feed their babies, and more about what we can do to help them with their choices. 

Extended Breast Feeding

Today's post is long overdue..Momma has been taking a writing break. Call it writer's block or mommy busy time, or whatever you want - but finally I'm making my way back into the blog world.

As most of my readers know I have survived my little ones first year on planet earth. Among other goals, one of the "buzz word" goals I have heard all year is breastfeeding your child to the one year mark.   From the start I always took the mantra of breastfeeding as long as it worked for both myself and my son and now that he is past the one year mark - it is still working.  This decision is mine alone and I am very comfortable with it but there are (as always!) issues with it in my world and in the social world around me.

I can deal with the issues in my world. Basically I can strip them down to some sharp teeth and attention shifting. He sometimes nips me, rests his chompers while suckling and pops off without warning to follow a sudden sound or sight.  Those things I have adjusted to. It's the outside things that I struggle with.

Is it just me or is there a negative connotation associated with breastfeeding a baby to a certain age by most of the general public? And is it just me or does the media perpetuate this? Time magazine had a 'controversial' cover a few months back of a little boy standing on a stool so he could feed while his mother was standing and posing for the cover of the popular magazine. I've seen it on news reports, magazine articles - how long is too long? When is the "right" time to wean? Many movies make fun of it by having children who can walk and talk sidle up to their mothers and help themselves to some milk amidst judgemental and harrowing glances from the other characters present - poking fun at this in an extreme way.  The sad part is, before baby I was inclined to side with this "disgusting" view of it. Funny how being in the situation has shifted my views, as is usually the case with everything.

At this point in mine and my son's life I am still comfortable feeding him from my breast. The number of feedings, the times of these feeds and when he eats other foods are up to us and we are happy with where things are. I FEEL that stigma that I should have started weaning by now though and I know I have to rise above it, but it can be tough. 

My motto - what works for me right now may not work for anyone else now or ever. I am not causing any harm to anyone (other than the occasional bite for myself....haha) and the message I would like to send - you never know how you would react to a situation until you are actually in it.  Before you can walk in someone else's shoes, you must first remove your own.

I plan on getting back in the blogging game more regularly now. Stay tuned for some new post 1 year old baby topics :)

Baby Products - Momma Weighs In

After my first year of being a mom I have had a chance to try all kinds of baby products and equipment. There are things that I wish I hadn't bothered with, others that I loved from the get-go, or wished that I had all along, and some are things I liked, but I could live without. Again, as always - just my opinion!

1. Pampers diapers. By far the best brand in my opinion. We tried out all kinds for long enough to know what worked best. The end results : Huggies leaked, Kirkland LEAKED, and while we did like LIFE brand from shoppers, Pampers were hands down the very best.
2. Travel System  - I had a four wheel system that was big and bulky. I liked it because it closed up and had lots of storage underneath but it was hard to access when the carrier was in it.  It was really hard to turn around and got caught on all kinds of things when we were going around, especially aisles at stores. I would opt for a three wheel system if I were doing it all again.
3. High Chair - I had a stand alone high chair and while it was good, I recently switched to a booster seat that attaches to a chair. This is more practical and less expensive. It takes up less space in the kitchen and can be taken with us more easily when we travel. In hindsight I would have just purchased the booster and not bothered at all with a clunky high chair. 
4. Jolly Jumper -  I'm talking about the simple harness over the door. This thing is awesome! I was skeptical in the beginning because it appears to be unsafe , but once I got over that I realized how great it is. My son improved in his leg strength after just a month of bouncing and now he loves getting in it. Not only is it a great way for him to release his energy and build strength, it has become something of a reward for him.  
5. Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium. This item was one of the greatest things we had for our little guy. It attaches to his crib, plays different songs, lights up and the fish inside can move and water bubbles appear when you select the option. This calms my son and allowed him to learn to put himself to sleep in his crib. It also has a remote which is bonus. Fisher price toys in general are great, I like all the ones we have.
6. Carter Clothes. These clothes by far are my favourite. They fit better than most others, and are great quality for a great price.
7. "Net" like ball - I'm talking about a plastic ball that is full of holes, great for a baby to grip. I don't have a brand preference here. This is a very simple inexpensive toy and one of the best. Babies love balls but they have trouble gripping them and keeping them, but the holes in the ball are great for ensuring they can play with them on their own.
8. Nuk Nestle Bottles and Playtex Sippy Cups. The Nuk nipples were the best for my little one and the best bottle he used by far. Playtex are a close second in bottles but come up first in Sippy Cups, at least for the ones without straws. They are easy to grip and don't leak, while the Nuk Sippy Cups do leak.  
9. Wipe Warmers and Diaper Genies. Convenient and good, but could take or leave. The wipes are warm and that's great, but when we go out they aren't but luckily my son never noticed the difference. The Genie is convenient because its right there and solely for dirty diapers, but to be honest, it wasn't as great as I expected for keeping away the stinky poopy smell. It needs to be changed more often than I thought in order to keep the smell away and it does fill up really fast. As far as places to put diapers I think it is one of the best, but a less expensive closed garbage can might be just as good. 
10. Baby Mum Mums - These are great for snacks on the go and were a wonderful thing that aided his independent eating. They taught my son how to chew and hold food and I would highly recommend them.
11. Disney Baby First Years Winnie The Pooh Calendar. This is a personalised calendar that allows you to put in the months and important dates using stickers provided. Each month you can add a picture of your little one as they grow. We loved this one for keeping track of the important moments.
12. Sophie the Giraffe. Admittedly I was skeptical at first about this toy but it was great, especially for teething. It is easy to grip and makes noise, and I now understand why just about every child has one.
13. Bassinet. I transferred my son to his crib really young, but the bassinet was great for daytime naps and helping him know the difference between day and night. We kept it in a lighted noisy room during the day and nighttime he slept in his dark room in his crib, so he soon got the concept of sleeping longer at night. It was also good travel bed for the early months as the top part of the one we had could be detached easily.
14. Breast Feeding Pillow. I only used this for the first couple of weeks of breastfeeding. I did not find it was overly helpful beyond that for feedings. However, later on when my son started sitting up on his own and was still wobbly, this served as a great cushion that fit snugly around him.
15. Pack and Play.  This is a must. Keeping baby safe and a place to hold toys without making a huge mess all over the living room. It's also good for sitting as if he falls he won't hit as hard, or for reaching up and eventually learning to pull himself up using the sides for assistance. It collapses quickly and takes up minimal space so it great for storing away or taking with you. We use it as a baby bed when we travel since our son outgrew his bassinet.
16. Umbrella Stroller. Get one! They are usually inexpensive and are so much more compact. Great for tighter spaces and for travel, and are so much easier for getting around. 

These are just some of my thoughts on some of the baby products I have used in the past year.

A Dirty Four Letter Word

Work. Yes, that's right work. What word did you think I was referring to?

To work or not to work - I'm sure that just about every mommy (and daddy too) has struggled with this question at one point or another, or perhaps on and off throughout the course of their child(ren)'s life. This is probably one of the toughest ones to tackle when being a parent. As always, this is a sensitive subject, so keep in mind these opinions are my own and I am only one person! I respect the views of my readers and know that we may not all agree on this topic!

For me the reality is - life is expensive, and let's face it - there is a certain standard of living we expect, there are things we can't imagine living without, that we feel we shouldn't have to live without, at least at this stage in the game. I feel as though I worked really hard to get my post secondary education. I did without a lot of things and got by on very little or no income for long enough. I feel like I paid my dues (literally) and deserve to reap some of the benefits of my hard work. There is no shame in being a stay-at-home momma, but for me personally, I feel if that's where I am going to land, then why did I spend so much time and money on a hard earned education in the first place? I could have started my family at a younger age if that was the case instead of waiting to get things with my career ironed out first.

The money is one thing, but there are some other reasons I consider returning to work, and feel guilty for the selfish motive behind them. I miss the workplace chatter and social aspects, I relish the idea of having something else in my day other than dirty socks or sticky floors, and I would love to do something else that I love doing, something that I have been trained to do, something that I miss more and more.

Still, I am very torn. I love being a momma. I love being home every day with my little guy, being the person he knows best, the person responsible for his unbringing. I get to witness first hand all of his growth and development,  I get to teach him things, I get to be his strongest influence. I don't want to miss anything, but I know that's impossible.

 If I am not with him all day, someone else is. I struggle with the notion of letting him go, of trusting someone else with my most valuable asset, of missing him so much. I have not been away from him for more than a night or two since he was born, and even then I have felt 100% comfortable with the person taking care of him.  Returning to work will force me to select someone to take care of him - someone who right at this moment is very likely a stranger to me.

While I have decided to take a little extra time off work to soak him up, I know that eventual date is looming when I will drop him off somewhere. The day is coming when I will not have the freedom to run errands, go on play dates and to reel babies, or to just take him for a walk in the afternoon simply because I feel like it. My life will become more hectic when rushing home after daycare pick-up will become the norm. We will have things like supper, bathtime, and getting ready for the next day all standing in the way of the short amount of time left to play and cuddle, and just be.  Having a job and not being home means giving up a lot of things too.

I have struggled with this since before I gave birth, but the longer I spend at home, the more I know that I will get over the transition, and that it is important for me to return to work. It will also be good for my son to socialize more frequently and consistently with other children, for him to get used to being around more people on a regular basis. It will do him good to have something else in his life besides mommy and daddy.

I both look forward to and dread the eventual return date, and know that it will be rough for awhile. I have to remind myself to make the most of the time left and spend as much time as I can with him, so we can just be.

Stay tuned in coming posts for a daycare search checklist!

Percentile Panic

It's time for a set of vaccinations or a particular month's check-up for your little one. You pack-up and bundle up and head to the public health clinic or your family doctor's office, and if you're anything like me - you brace yourself. These visits, I'm sorry to say in my experience have never failed to leave me feeling lost, scared and usually worried. And my baby is very healthy. Is that really necessary?

Let me clarify. I do believe in the importance of vaccinating against highly contagious and often dangerous diseases and viral infections.  I also believe in the importance of checking out the major developments in a new baby, having an opportunity to ask questions, and record things like a baby's growth and milestone development. All of this, baring any major abnormalities or areas of concern should make for a fairly pleasant experience for one of these routine trips - should it not? Well in my experiences, I would say, no - it does not.

I am used to the drill - my son is weighed and measured, has his head circumference, hip alignment and sensory responses checked. I report any concerns I'm having. Then the health care professional takes these measurements and either enter them into a computer(public health) or plot them on a paper grid (doctor) and then they read me back a list of percentiles.  For example (and these numbers I am making up just for this post) let's say my son was in the 28th percentile for his height. It means (as far as I understand anyway) that he is as tall as or taller than 28% of all babies his age. On the flip side, it also means that he is shorter than 72% of all babies his age.  Should I be worried now because according to this, he is short for his age? What am I supposed to do with that information? What is the purpose of it?

When the percentiles are low, I find myself worrying that he is behind his peers; and when they are high, I worry that he is too big for his age. I worry that it is my fault for what I have or have not done with him at home.  Another question - these stats are based on information from what point in time - how recent? how many? and the big one - how accurate? There are ALWAYS discrepancies between my what my doctor reports vs. my public health clinic. One particular time my little boy was measured at both places less than one week apart, and in one particular percentile measure there was a discrepancy of almost 20% between the two sets of measures.  What one pointed out as an area of concern another totally passed over. Who do I listen to? Aren't doctors supposed to be the bottom line? Or do public health nurses know better because they are more focused on babies?

I am tired of everyone telling me that irregardless of his scores on these percentile charts, that every baby is different blah blah blah. If that's the case then why do we compare them all against each other?  It's contradictory and inconsistent - not to mention extremely stressful!

So far, because of these percentile measurements my son has had to have two further diagnostic tests, both of which came back negative.  Some say that it's better to be thorough and "let me relax" by having everything checked in order to rule things out.  While there is a part of me that does agree with this reasoning, I can't help but feel that it is totally unnecessary to put him through these tests in the first place. When all other signs point to "normal" (whatever that really means) and they've "never seen" these tests come back positive based on these percentile precautions, they still send in the referral, "just to be safe." So, what is the point other than the time spent getting it checked and the worry that fills my mind constantly until the test results come back? I think we are in a place of liability and constant fear from these health care professionals. They are terrified that they may miss any potential imperfection, irregardless of the potential stress it may place on the baby, not to mention the parents. These "non-invasive" tests are stressful and worrisome no matter how many times they are completed "just to be safe."

I know that as always, my opinion on this topic is not that of everyone reading this post and I do recognize and respect that. Personally speaking,  I am just frustrated by what I feel more often than not are unnecessary stresses caused by this need to quantify everything in these comparative percentiles.  It is challenging enough to be a parent and dealing with all the uncertainties and real issues we face on a day-to-day basis. I just don't see the need to add to this list in the extreme way that we are doing.

If nothing else, I feel a little better having a vent on this topic. I would love to hear the thoughts and experiences of my readers on this issue! Please leave your comments!

Armstrong - Livestrong.....how about Liestrong

I find myself sitting here thinking today about Mr. Livestrong himself, the doping, false seven-time champ of the Tour de France. With all the buzz that Oprah has stirred it's hard not to. I know this does not seem like a topic that would be related to mommy or parenting - but hear me out (read me out??)

I'll admit that Lance had me fooled. But now that I sit and think about it, it just makes sense that there was something fake behind it. Seven times?? The most prestigious cycling race in the world and the same person won it SEVEN times?? Now it seems fishy, of course it does.

This is a sad world we live in. This man, an idol, the spokesperson for a very serious disease, and a role model for so many - adults.... and yes of course- children. How many children saw him win and strived to be like him? How many of them donned those yellow livestrong bracelets in support of his cause, who thought he was something wonderful? He not only cheated to win, he stole the title from someone else, hopefully someone more honest and deserving.  Now he gets to be famous for his faults and like so many today, he gets his 15 minutes( or 3 hours apparently) to suck up to his audience, "explain" why he cheated. Personally, he had me at "cheated", or rather, he lost me. I watched the Fifth Estate for the coverage of the story, to see if it really were true. That was enough for me. I don't want to listen to him, don't want to tune in to watch his last-ditch effort to save face, and to make some more money off his choices and say he's sorry. Sorry there's real evidence against him and that he got caught, more like it. 

I will say that I know he must have been under a great deal of pressure and sometimes we all cave under that pressure. But after the first title that he cheated to steal, he should have wised up and stopped. Instead he waited until he had won so many that he was a superstar, and denied all suspicions adamently, even with new proof surfacing as years went by. What kind of message did he expect to send? Right, my hero.

Now to tie it in with being a parent. Are we going to allow this kind of behavior from an idol to be okay in the eyes of our children? Are we going to help them erase their mistakes instead of facing them to get ahead in life? Are we going to allow them to cheat - or worse - help them do it and cover their tracks? Or are we going to raise honest boys and girls to turn into honorable men and women who actually know that telling the truth and doing things honestly is actually far better than cheating their way to the top? It scares me to think that too often when there are successes, there is something shady along the road to reach that success. While this is surely not true in every instance of success, I do see a major drop in morals here in the world. The world that I just brought a little boy into, and it doesn't seem fair. I want more for my little guy and personally, I don't want to hear about how Lance Armstrong lied to the world or why he is worth listening to.