Percentile Panic

It's time for a set of vaccinations or a particular month's check-up for your little one. You pack-up and bundle up and head to the public health clinic or your family doctor's office, and if you're anything like me - you brace yourself. These visits, I'm sorry to say in my experience have never failed to leave me feeling lost, scared and usually worried. And my baby is very healthy. Is that really necessary?

Let me clarify. I do believe in the importance of vaccinating against highly contagious and often dangerous diseases and viral infections.  I also believe in the importance of checking out the major developments in a new baby, having an opportunity to ask questions, and record things like a baby's growth and milestone development. All of this, baring any major abnormalities or areas of concern should make for a fairly pleasant experience for one of these routine trips - should it not? Well in my experiences, I would say, no - it does not.

I am used to the drill - my son is weighed and measured, has his head circumference, hip alignment and sensory responses checked. I report any concerns I'm having. Then the health care professional takes these measurements and either enter them into a computer(public health) or plot them on a paper grid (doctor) and then they read me back a list of percentiles.  For example (and these numbers I am making up just for this post) let's say my son was in the 28th percentile for his height. It means (as far as I understand anyway) that he is as tall as or taller than 28% of all babies his age. On the flip side, it also means that he is shorter than 72% of all babies his age.  Should I be worried now because according to this, he is short for his age? What am I supposed to do with that information? What is the purpose of it?

When the percentiles are low, I find myself worrying that he is behind his peers; and when they are high, I worry that he is too big for his age. I worry that it is my fault for what I have or have not done with him at home.  Another question - these stats are based on information from what point in time - how recent? how many? and the big one - how accurate? There are ALWAYS discrepancies between my what my doctor reports vs. my public health clinic. One particular time my little boy was measured at both places less than one week apart, and in one particular percentile measure there was a discrepancy of almost 20% between the two sets of measures.  What one pointed out as an area of concern another totally passed over. Who do I listen to? Aren't doctors supposed to be the bottom line? Or do public health nurses know better because they are more focused on babies?

I am tired of everyone telling me that irregardless of his scores on these percentile charts, that every baby is different blah blah blah. If that's the case then why do we compare them all against each other?  It's contradictory and inconsistent - not to mention extremely stressful!

So far, because of these percentile measurements my son has had to have two further diagnostic tests, both of which came back negative.  Some say that it's better to be thorough and "let me relax" by having everything checked in order to rule things out.  While there is a part of me that does agree with this reasoning, I can't help but feel that it is totally unnecessary to put him through these tests in the first place. When all other signs point to "normal" (whatever that really means) and they've "never seen" these tests come back positive based on these percentile precautions, they still send in the referral, "just to be safe." So, what is the point other than the time spent getting it checked and the worry that fills my mind constantly until the test results come back? I think we are in a place of liability and constant fear from these health care professionals. They are terrified that they may miss any potential imperfection, irregardless of the potential stress it may place on the baby, not to mention the parents. These "non-invasive" tests are stressful and worrisome no matter how many times they are completed "just to be safe."

I know that as always, my opinion on this topic is not that of everyone reading this post and I do recognize and respect that. Personally speaking,  I am just frustrated by what I feel more often than not are unnecessary stresses caused by this need to quantify everything in these comparative percentiles.  It is challenging enough to be a parent and dealing with all the uncertainties and real issues we face on a day-to-day basis. I just don't see the need to add to this list in the extreme way that we are doing.

If nothing else, I feel a little better having a vent on this topic. I would love to hear the thoughts and experiences of my readers on this issue! Please leave your comments!

Sick Days

We've all been there. Runny nose, sore throat. Or maybe it's vomiting, and nausea. It could just a general feeling of being unwell, a day that you would normally call in sick from work.  Times when changing the channel, rolling over or walking to the bathroom is the extent of your activity. Throw in a child on a day like that and things really get interesting.

It is inevitable, as parents we are going to get sick. Common ailments such as colds or the stomach flu may plague us from time to time, and maybe we may fit into the category of requiring hospitalization or surgery from something much more serious on occasion. Our world before may have not stopped but it definitely slowed down. Now we discover that it is impossible to call in sick from this job. Another interesting phenomenon - our child is more likely to be fussy, gassy, in need of more attention, more diaper changes than usual, or just be more work than a typical day would normally require. This of course is like Murphy's law! It only makes sense that you would have a harder day than usual when you are not feeling well.

As a new momma, surprisingly I have had an array of sickness ranging from the pretty serious to the just not right days. I have caught myself wishing for just a pause button to let myself catch up on sleep or not need the help for myself or baby. I have postponed doctor visits and denied health issues.  What took me too long to realize is that they are there anyway, and thing is, the longer I waited the worse it got. I have learned to just face facts and listen to what's going on with me.The other bad side effect - the sicker I was the worse I was for my child. I had no energy for playing with him and dreaded changing and feeding times, and begged for nap times.  The funny part is once I let go and gave in and got help, it was never half as bad as Ithought it was going to be, we are designed to deal with a lot as parents!

The key is to keep your head. You are capable of a lot more than you think you are even though you aren't feeling the best. Your baby needs you no matter how you feel and will be grateful (even if they don't always show it!) for your efforts.  You are not alone here either, as I'm sure every parent has a crazy sick story when the baby or young child caused more grief than usual on top of everything. Take it in stride and take care of yourself! Your baby needs you!

Momma's Musts

• Don't sweat it. As sick as you may feel, remind yourself that it likely a short term thing and you can do more than you think you can!
• Just do it! Don't promise yourself that you will change that diaper in five more minutes. Do it now and then you can get back to resting sooner, and feel less guilty about it!
• Don't worry. If you find yourself giving your baby less one on one time, its really ok! Letting your child play solo gives you some time for much needed rest. It's okay to have an off day every now and then!
• Accept/Ask for help. If help is offered and you feel you need it, take it! If you think you are sicker than you originally thought and it might be more serious, seek medical help, ask your partner to stay home or call in a family member. Listen to your body and trust your gut!